Change the Set Aside Prayer to focus on the physical aspect of your disease.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my physical body, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
Read
1. Read "The Doctor's Opinion" from the beginning (PLBB p.11) up to to "Doing this will help them rebuild their lives.” at the end of the fourth full paragraph on PLBB p. 15.
Highlight what stands out.
Then go back, review, and answer the following questions.
Find specific experiences instead of "yes/no" answers.
PLBB p. 12
2. What are “multiple methods” that I tried to stay sober (clean, abstinent) that have failed?
PLBB p. 13
3. Have my mind and body been affected by my alcoholism? What does that look like and feel like from my experience?
PLBB p. 15
4. The doctor's theory is that “chronic alcoholics” suffer from a "strong cravings" that “can feel impossible to control” once they take a drink, cravings that “regular drinkers never get”. (second full paragraph)
Describe these "strong cravings" from about 3 specific personal experiences.
PLBB p. 13
5. In my drinking (using) years, give one example (at least) of how I acted:
a. "unstable"
b. "running away from our real lives"
PLBB p. 15
6. Did I "form a drinking habit quickly and find it impossible to stop”?
Did I "lose self-confidence and ruin my relationships"?
Did I "watch my problems pile up and feel totally unable to solve them"?
PLBB p. 15
7. Did "begging me to stop," either by others or myself, stop or even control my drinking? Give examples from your experience.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my physical body, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
Read
1. Read "The Doctor's Opinion" from the beginning (PLBB p.11) up to to "Doing this will help them rebuild their lives.” at the end of the fourth full paragraph on PLBB p. 15.
Highlight what stands out.
Then go back, review, and answer the following questions.
Find specific experiences instead of "yes/no" answers.
PLBB p. 12
2. What are “multiple methods” that I tried to stay sober (clean, abstinent) that have failed?
PLBB p. 13
3. Have my mind and body been affected by my alcoholism? What does that look like and feel like from my experience?
PLBB p. 15
4. The doctor's theory is that “chronic alcoholics” suffer from a "strong cravings" that “can feel impossible to control” once they take a drink, cravings that “regular drinkers never get”. (second full paragraph)
Describe these "strong cravings" from about 3 specific personal experiences.
PLBB p. 13
5. In my drinking (using) years, give one example (at least) of how I acted:
a. "unstable"
b. "running away from our real lives"
PLBB p. 15
6. Did I "form a drinking habit quickly and find it impossible to stop”?
Did I "lose self-confidence and ruin my relationships"?
Did I "watch my problems pile up and feel totally unable to solve them"?
PLBB p. 15
7. Did "begging me to stop," either by others or myself, stop or even control my drinking? Give examples from your experience.
Read
8. Read "The Doctor's Opinion" from "If anyone reading this feels…" on PLBB p. 15 to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 20).
9. Did I drink because I like the effect produced by alcohol? What did the effect of alcohol allow me to feel, think, and do?
PLBB p. 15-16
10. Share specific examples of how “At first, I may understand that my drinking is harmful, but over time I begin to ignore that knowledge." Think back, how did my alcoholic life “seem completely normal”?
What did I think was the problem at various points in my drinking?
PLBB p. 16
11. Share specific examples of being "anxious and frustrated unless I feel the comfort I get from drinking."
What is at least one example from my own experience with anxiousness? Give an example of blaming, pointing the finger (forms of being frustrated).
PLBB p. 16
12. Share 2 examples of passing through the well-known stages of a spree:
PLBB p. 16
13. If you haven't already, make a list of all the "drugs" (including alcohol) and behaviors you have used. Circle the ones that you resolved to stop but couldn't. Which ones do you feel you experience the "strong cravings" and “get stuck in a cycle” with?
PLBB p. 17-18
14. Which of the types of alcoholics do I relate to most? In what ways am I like each of the different types?
What do all of the types of alcoholics have in common?
Note: Throughout the Step One experience in the Big Book (and Plain Language Big Book) I am diagnosing myself by looking at my experience.
"To thine own experience be true."
For example, if "alcoholism" seems too drug-specific, or sounds untrue for you, you might say "drug addiction" and/or "addiction" or …
8. Read "The Doctor's Opinion" from "If anyone reading this feels…" on PLBB p. 15 to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 20).
9. Did I drink because I like the effect produced by alcohol? What did the effect of alcohol allow me to feel, think, and do?
PLBB p. 15-16
10. Share specific examples of how “At first, I may understand that my drinking is harmful, but over time I begin to ignore that knowledge." Think back, how did my alcoholic life “seem completely normal”?
What did I think was the problem at various points in my drinking?
PLBB p. 16
11. Share specific examples of being "anxious and frustrated unless I feel the comfort I get from drinking."
What is at least one example from my own experience with anxiousness? Give an example of blaming, pointing the finger (forms of being frustrated).
PLBB p. 16
12. Share 2 examples of passing through the well-known stages of a spree:
- “the cravings for alcohol begin”
- “get stuck in a cycle” and “go on a drinking spree”
- “feel terrible about what I’ve done, and then swear I’ll never drink again”
PLBB p. 16
13. If you haven't already, make a list of all the "drugs" (including alcohol) and behaviors you have used. Circle the ones that you resolved to stop but couldn't. Which ones do you feel you experience the "strong cravings" and “get stuck in a cycle” with?
PLBB p. 17-18
14. Which of the types of alcoholics do I relate to most? In what ways am I like each of the different types?
What do all of the types of alcoholics have in common?
Note: Throughout the Step One experience in the Big Book (and Plain Language Big Book) I am diagnosing myself by looking at my experience.
"To thine own experience be true."
For example, if "alcoholism" seems too drug-specific, or sounds untrue for you, you might say "drug addiction" and/or "addiction" or …
Chapter 1: Bill's Story
(Identification with Bill's Feelings, Thinking, Drinking)
(Identification with Bill's Feelings, Thinking, Drinking)
Let Bill's Story help me remember and understand my own story with drinking and using.
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
Read
1. Read through "Bill's Story" (PLBB p. 21) up to the top of PLBB p. 29, "Before he arrived, I had felt hopeless about my own drinking. Now I was curious." Highlight text that gives insight into how he drank, felt, and thought. Look up words or events in the dictionary or online to dig deeper into their meanings...
Review
2. Review what was highlighted and ask myself: Have I ever drank, felt or thought like that?
PLBB p. 24
3. When did liquor become “no longer something I wanted” but instead “something I needed”?
PLBB p. 27
4. What from my experience shows me that fear can't keep me sober for all and for good?
PLBB p. 27-28
5. Will alcohol "always control me"? Am I as hopeless as Bill?
Read
6. Read through from "He talked for hours" (PLBB p. 29) to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 33), highlighting what Bill felt, thought, believed, and did.
PLBB p. 31-32
7. Am I willing to do what Bill did in order to have a spiritual experience?
PLBB p. 29-33
8. Is there anything I am not willing to do?
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
Read
1. Read through "Bill's Story" (PLBB p. 21) up to the top of PLBB p. 29, "Before he arrived, I had felt hopeless about my own drinking. Now I was curious." Highlight text that gives insight into how he drank, felt, and thought. Look up words or events in the dictionary or online to dig deeper into their meanings...
Review
2. Review what was highlighted and ask myself: Have I ever drank, felt or thought like that?
PLBB p. 24
3. When did liquor become “no longer something I wanted” but instead “something I needed”?
PLBB p. 27
4. What from my experience shows me that fear can't keep me sober for all and for good?
PLBB p. 27-28
5. Will alcohol "always control me"? Am I as hopeless as Bill?
Read
6. Read through from "He talked for hours" (PLBB p. 29) to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 33), highlighting what Bill felt, thought, believed, and did.
PLBB p. 31-32
7. Am I willing to do what Bill did in order to have a spiritual experience?
PLBB p. 29-33
8. Is there anything I am not willing to do?
Chapter 2: There Is a Solution
(Step One: Conclusion of what happens after the first drink.)
(Step One: Conclusion of what happens after the first drink.)
Conclusion to a Focus on What Happens AFTER the first drink
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from own experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
Read
1. Read through "There Is a Solution" (PLBB p. 34) up to the top of page 39, "It doesn’t matter how long we have been sober." Highlight what resonates.
PLBB p. 34
2. Whose life has been touched by my alcoholic illness? Just list some names.
PLBB p. 37
3. What are some of the things people have said to me or that I have said to myself that show my ignorance and misunderstanding of alcoholism?
PLBB p. 37-38
4. Am I a moderate drinker, hard drinker, or a "lifelong, serious” and “chronic” alcoholic"? How do I know? What experiences have I had that might support that distinction?
PLBB p. 38
5: How are my behaviors as an alcoholic “strange and destructive” and “extremely confusing to watch” – like I am “two different people living in one body”?
PLBB p. 38-39
6. “As soon as we drink any amount of alcohol, something happens that makes it impossible for us to stop." “Most alcoholics cannot explain why we decide to drink…”
Make a list of some of the "reasons" that justified continuing to drink once I started.
Question 6 marks the CLOSE of a Focus on the physical effects, strong cravings, the body. The left leg of the triangle.
Change the Set Aside Prayer to focus on the mental aspect of your disease.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my mind, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from own experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
Read
1. Read through "There Is a Solution" (PLBB p. 34) up to the top of page 39, "It doesn’t matter how long we have been sober." Highlight what resonates.
PLBB p. 34
2. Whose life has been touched by my alcoholic illness? Just list some names.
PLBB p. 37
3. What are some of the things people have said to me or that I have said to myself that show my ignorance and misunderstanding of alcoholism?
PLBB p. 37-38
4. Am I a moderate drinker, hard drinker, or a "lifelong, serious” and “chronic” alcoholic"? How do I know? What experiences have I had that might support that distinction?
PLBB p. 38
5: How are my behaviors as an alcoholic “strange and destructive” and “extremely confusing to watch” – like I am “two different people living in one body”?
PLBB p. 38-39
6. “As soon as we drink any amount of alcohol, something happens that makes it impossible for us to stop." “Most alcoholics cannot explain why we decide to drink…”
Make a list of some of the "reasons" that justified continuing to drink once I started.
Question 6 marks the CLOSE of a Focus on the physical effects, strong cravings, the body. The left leg of the triangle.
Change the Set Aside Prayer to focus on the mental aspect of your disease.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my mind, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
Chapter 2: There Is a Solution
(Step One: Opening of what happens mentally before the first drink.)
(Step One: Opening of what happens mentally before the first drink.)
Focus on the Mental Obsession - What happens BEFORE the first drink
Read
7. Read through "There Is a Solution" (PLBB p. 39) from "One drink can start the terrible cycle of drinking again..." to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 43).
PLBB p. 39
8. List the excuses made for taking the first drink from a sober state.
PLBB p. 39
9. What are some other ways I have started to drink/use again?
PLBB p. 39-40
10. Have I “lost the power to make my own choices when it comes to drinking” or using?
Do I have no willpower when it comes to drinking/using?
When drinking/using, can I remember how awful it felt the last time I got drunk?
When drinking/using, do I tell myself that this time will be different, and I will handle myself better?
List three examples from my experience that show that I cannot control myself from taking the first drink.
Read
7. Read through "There Is a Solution" (PLBB p. 39) from "One drink can start the terrible cycle of drinking again..." to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 43).
PLBB p. 39
8. List the excuses made for taking the first drink from a sober state.
PLBB p. 39
9. What are some other ways I have started to drink/use again?
PLBB p. 39-40
10. Have I “lost the power to make my own choices when it comes to drinking” or using?
Do I have no willpower when it comes to drinking/using?
When drinking/using, can I remember how awful it felt the last time I got drunk?
When drinking/using, do I tell myself that this time will be different, and I will handle myself better?
List three examples from my experience that show that I cannot control myself from taking the first drink.
Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism
(Step One: The Mind)
(Step One: The Mind)
Focus on the Mental Obsession - What happens BEFORE the first drink
(Look up obsession, delusion, concede, insanity,)
Read
1. Read from “More About Alcoholism (PLBB p. 44) to PLBB p. 49, second full paragraph "...how it could have happened." Highlight, underline and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 44
2. Has the idea that somehow, someday I will control and enjoy my drinking been an obsession of mine? Give examples.
Compare Stories
3. Compare the stories of the man who drank after not drinking for 25 years (PLBB p. 46) and Jim (PLBB p. 48-49). How are they the same, and how are they different?
PLBB p. 49
4. The PLBB describes the “insanity” (Big Book term) depicted in Jim’s story as “the unreasonable need to drink”. How does that make sense to me in light of picking up the first drink, or of denying my alcoholism?
Read
5. Read from PLBB p. 49 to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 53) "...The only way to stop is to create a meaningful relationship with a Higher Power." Highlight and reflect on what stands out.
Compare Stories
6. Compare Fred's story (PLBB p. 50-53) to the man who drank again after 25 years and Jim's Story. How are they the same, and how are they different?
PLBB p. 53
7. Must my defense against the first drink come from a Higher Power?
Question 7 marks the CLOSE of a focus on the mental illness, the obsession, mental twists, blank spots, denial. The bottom leg of the triangle.
Change your Set Aside Prayer to focus on the spiritual aspect of your disease, the right leg of the triangle.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the dis-ease of my Spirit, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
(Look up obsession, delusion, concede, insanity,)
Read
1. Read from “More About Alcoholism (PLBB p. 44) to PLBB p. 49, second full paragraph "...how it could have happened." Highlight, underline and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 44
2. Has the idea that somehow, someday I will control and enjoy my drinking been an obsession of mine? Give examples.
Compare Stories
3. Compare the stories of the man who drank after not drinking for 25 years (PLBB p. 46) and Jim (PLBB p. 48-49). How are they the same, and how are they different?
PLBB p. 49
4. The PLBB describes the “insanity” (Big Book term) depicted in Jim’s story as “the unreasonable need to drink”. How does that make sense to me in light of picking up the first drink, or of denying my alcoholism?
Read
5. Read from PLBB p. 49 to the end of the chapter (PLBB p. 53) "...The only way to stop is to create a meaningful relationship with a Higher Power." Highlight and reflect on what stands out.
Compare Stories
6. Compare Fred's story (PLBB p. 50-53) to the man who drank again after 25 years and Jim's Story. How are they the same, and how are they different?
PLBB p. 53
7. Must my defense against the first drink come from a Higher Power?
Question 7 marks the CLOSE of a focus on the mental illness, the obsession, mental twists, blank spots, denial. The bottom leg of the triangle.
Change your Set Aside Prayer to focus on the spiritual aspect of your disease, the right leg of the triangle.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the dis-ease of my Spirit, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(The Spiritual Malady of Step 1, Close of Step 1)
(The Spiritual Malady of Step 1, Close of Step 1)
Step 1: The Spiritual Malady
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from own experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
What am I like sober and clean without a drink, before I ever started drinking, and once I stay stopped for a period of time?
(Look up bedevilment, agnostic, moral, philosophy, spiritual)
Read, Reflect
8. On "We Agnostics" PLBB p. 60: Read the paragraph about the "problems" and “struggling with our lives at just about every level” - the second to last full paragraph. Reflect on life sober, throughout my life, and especially before starting drinking.
Read
9. Read "We Agnostics" from the beginning of the chapter (PLBB p. 54) up to PLBB p. 55, "But where and how do we find this Power?" Highlight what resonates.
10: What kinds of non-spiritual beliefs (about right and wrong, about the world, thinking positively, etc.) do I have and/or was I raised with?
Give examples of how these non-spiritual ways (“something that doesn’t involve God”), such as “changing a few behaviors or thinking more positively” (PLBB p. 55) were not enough to overcome alcoholism.
PLBB p. 55
11. How is not having “the right kind of power” (physically, mentally, and emotionally/spiritually) my problem? (Remember the legs of the triangle?)
12. Can I now "completely accept" my truth in Step One (PLBB p. 44)? What is my truth?
Question 12 marks the CLOSE of Step One.
Gentle Reminder
Find specific examples from own experience to deepen insight instead of "yes/no" answers.
What am I like sober and clean without a drink, before I ever started drinking, and once I stay stopped for a period of time?
(Look up bedevilment, agnostic, moral, philosophy, spiritual)
Read, Reflect
8. On "We Agnostics" PLBB p. 60: Read the paragraph about the "problems" and “struggling with our lives at just about every level” - the second to last full paragraph. Reflect on life sober, throughout my life, and especially before starting drinking.
- How have I had, and how do I have, trouble with my relationships?
- What proof is there that I cannot control my emotions?
- Have I felt miserable and depressed?
- Can I earn money and hold onto a job?
- Do I feel useless?
- Do I feel afraid?
- Do I feel unhappy
- Have I been able to help other people?
- Is it possible that drinking, using, and binging were the solution, not really the problem after all?
Read
9. Read "We Agnostics" from the beginning of the chapter (PLBB p. 54) up to PLBB p. 55, "But where and how do we find this Power?" Highlight what resonates.
10: What kinds of non-spiritual beliefs (about right and wrong, about the world, thinking positively, etc.) do I have and/or was I raised with?
Give examples of how these non-spiritual ways (“something that doesn’t involve God”), such as “changing a few behaviors or thinking more positively” (PLBB p. 55) were not enough to overcome alcoholism.
PLBB p. 55
11. How is not having “the right kind of power” (physically, mentally, and emotionally/spiritually) my problem? (Remember the legs of the triangle?)
12. Can I now "completely accept" my truth in Step One (PLBB p. 44)? What is my truth?
Question 12 marks the CLOSE of Step One.
Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(The Spiritual Solution)
(The Spiritual Solution)
Change the Set Aside Prayer to focus on Step 2.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 2, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
(Look up willingness, prejudice, conception)
Read
1. Read PLBB p. 55 from "Well, that's exactly what this book is about. ..." up to PLBB p. 57 "...to start building a spiritual practice for yourself." Highlight and reflect on what stands out. Change my Set Aside Prayer to set aside what I think I know about Step 2 (see above).
PLBB p. 55-56
2. Have I had doubts and concerns towards a Higher Power?
What childhood experiences may have shaped my idea of God? For example: church, parents, school, peers, spirituality, any or all religion, atheism, music, media...
What experiences, disasters, people, organizations may have made it hard to believe in a Higher Power?
What experiences may have encouraged belief in a Higher Power (faith)?
PLBB p. 56
3. What moments of awe and wonder have I experienced?
PLBB p. 56
4. How might I describe my own idea (BB term, “conception”) of God? Consider those moments of feeling “wonder” and “amazement” when trying to use words in that effort.
PLBB p. 56
5. What spiritual words and phrases do I know of, and have seen in the Big Book? These terms might include spiritual principles underlying the Steps (e.g., humility, hope, faith, honesty, integrity, willingness, surrender, forgiveness, justice, perseverance, prayer, meditation, service...).
Or they might include spiritual terms for God (e.g., Power, Realm of Spirit, Spirit of the Universe, Creative Intelligence...).
Highlight any of the spiritual terms that make me cringe at all.
What do a few of these spiritual terms mean to me? Look up some of them in the dictionary to get ideas.
PLBB p. 57
6. Am I willing to believe there is a Power greater than myself that can help me to “completely accept” the truth about my alcoholism (PLBB p. 44) in Step One?
And am I willing to believe there is a Power greater than myself that can allow me to live my life feeling happy, joyful, free, and sober?
Look up the word "cornerstone" (term from Big Book p. 47) How does the cornerstone of a building relate to the work in Step 2?
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 2, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
(Look up willingness, prejudice, conception)
Read
1. Read PLBB p. 55 from "Well, that's exactly what this book is about. ..." up to PLBB p. 57 "...to start building a spiritual practice for yourself." Highlight and reflect on what stands out. Change my Set Aside Prayer to set aside what I think I know about Step 2 (see above).
PLBB p. 55-56
2. Have I had doubts and concerns towards a Higher Power?
What childhood experiences may have shaped my idea of God? For example: church, parents, school, peers, spirituality, any or all religion, atheism, music, media...
What experiences, disasters, people, organizations may have made it hard to believe in a Higher Power?
What experiences may have encouraged belief in a Higher Power (faith)?
PLBB p. 56
3. What moments of awe and wonder have I experienced?
PLBB p. 56
4. How might I describe my own idea (BB term, “conception”) of God? Consider those moments of feeling “wonder” and “amazement” when trying to use words in that effort.
PLBB p. 56
5. What spiritual words and phrases do I know of, and have seen in the Big Book? These terms might include spiritual principles underlying the Steps (e.g., humility, hope, faith, honesty, integrity, willingness, surrender, forgiveness, justice, perseverance, prayer, meditation, service...).
Or they might include spiritual terms for God (e.g., Power, Realm of Spirit, Spirit of the Universe, Creative Intelligence...).
Highlight any of the spiritual terms that make me cringe at all.
What do a few of these spiritual terms mean to me? Look up some of them in the dictionary to get ideas.
PLBB p. 57
6. Am I willing to believe there is a Power greater than myself that can help me to “completely accept” the truth about my alcoholism (PLBB p. 44) in Step One?
And am I willing to believe there is a Power greater than myself that can allow me to live my life feeling happy, joyful, free, and sober?
Look up the word "cornerstone" (term from Big Book p. 47) How does the cornerstone of a building relate to the work in Step 2?
Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(Step 2: The Spiritual Solution continued)
(Step 2: The Spiritual Solution continued)
The Spiritual Solution
(Look up obstinance, sensitiveness, reason, faith)
Read
7. Read from page PLBB p. 57: "We learned that the only thing we needed was..." through PLBB p. 61: "...as closed-minded as the people who had insisted the Wrights would never fly." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
Read
8. Read PLBB Appendix III "Spiritual Experience" (PLBB p. 165-166). Highlight and reflect on what most stands out. What did I need most to hear?
PLBB p. 57-58
9. “We saw that we might be destroyed by our alcoholism* if we didn’t create a relationship with God. We decided that changing our thinking about spirituality was better than the alternative.” *(and the unmanageability, the struggles and problems associated with our drinking)
Reflect on that. What comes up?
PLBB p. 58
10. Give at least one personal example that "visual proof can be weak or misleading," or that "how something looks and how it is made may be very different from each other."
PLBB p. 59
11. Who do I know whose life has been given hope and meaning because of faith (even imperfect faith)? Do I know about how they came to believe (found their faith) or how they came to dedicate themselves to their spiritual path or religion?
In what ways do they demonstrate that they had lives that were stable and happy?
PLBB p. 60
12. What are the characteristics of “spirituality” compared to “science and discovery”?
(Look up obstinance, sensitiveness, reason, faith)
Read
7. Read from page PLBB p. 57: "We learned that the only thing we needed was..." through PLBB p. 61: "...as closed-minded as the people who had insisted the Wrights would never fly." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
Read
8. Read PLBB Appendix III "Spiritual Experience" (PLBB p. 165-166). Highlight and reflect on what most stands out. What did I need most to hear?
PLBB p. 57-58
9. “We saw that we might be destroyed by our alcoholism* if we didn’t create a relationship with God. We decided that changing our thinking about spirituality was better than the alternative.” *(and the unmanageability, the struggles and problems associated with our drinking)
Reflect on that. What comes up?
PLBB p. 58
10. Give at least one personal example that "visual proof can be weak or misleading," or that "how something looks and how it is made may be very different from each other."
PLBB p. 59
11. Who do I know whose life has been given hope and meaning because of faith (even imperfect faith)? Do I know about how they came to believe (found their faith) or how they came to dedicate themselves to their spiritual path or religion?
In what ways do they demonstrate that they had lives that were stable and happy?
PLBB p. 60
12. What are the characteristics of “spirituality” compared to “science and discovery”?
Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(Step 2: The Spiritual Solution continued)
(Step 2: The Spiritual Solution continued)
The Spiritual Solution
(look up worship, consciousness, belief, restore, saint)
Read
13. Read from PLBB p. 61 through the end of the chapter "We Agnostics" (PLBB p. 63) Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 61
14. "...we could no longer avoid the question of faith. Did we believe… or not? Is God everything or nothing, and how were we to choose?" What is my choice?
PLBB p. 61-62
15. "Then we realized we had also been worshippers. We worshipped people, feelings, things, money, and ourselves. At certain moments, we felt feelings of worship for natural beauty… Love itself is a kind of worship."
What have I worshipped?
Have I ever had any experience where everything seemed, no matter how messy, to be exactly as it was supposed to be?
PLBB p. 62
16. "We saw that the most important experiences and emotions in our lives were built on faith. We saw that if we built our lives around reason alone, it wouldn’t be life at all."
What would my life look like without faith?
PLBB p. 62
17. "God’s existence was as clear and true as our own existence. We connected with God deep inside of ourselves." How is that true and/or not true for me? Where do I find the connection with God deep inside of myself?
PLBB p. 62
18. How has the awareness of your faith become clear for you"? Describe examples from experience of how I:
(look up worship, consciousness, belief, restore, saint)
Read
13. Read from PLBB p. 61 through the end of the chapter "We Agnostics" (PLBB p. 63) Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 61
14. "...we could no longer avoid the question of faith. Did we believe… or not? Is God everything or nothing, and how were we to choose?" What is my choice?
PLBB p. 61-62
15. "Then we realized we had also been worshippers. We worshipped people, feelings, things, money, and ourselves. At certain moments, we felt feelings of worship for natural beauty… Love itself is a kind of worship."
What have I worshipped?
Have I ever had any experience where everything seemed, no matter how messy, to be exactly as it was supposed to be?
PLBB p. 62
16. "We saw that the most important experiences and emotions in our lives were built on faith. We saw that if we built our lives around reason alone, it wouldn’t be life at all."
What would my life look like without faith?
PLBB p. 62
17. "God’s existence was as clear and true as our own existence. We connected with God deep inside of ourselves." How is that true and/or not true for me? Where do I find the connection with God deep inside of myself?
PLBB p. 62
18. How has the awareness of your faith become clear for you"? Describe examples from experience of how I:
- have “cleared away your prejudices”
- "think honestly"
- "look inside myself for my own faith"
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Close of Step 2: The Spiritual Solution)
(Close of Step 2: The Spiritual Solution)
(Look up honesty, balk, principles, saint, and perfection)
Read
19. Read from the beginning of the chapter “How It Works (PLBB p. 64) "It’s very rare for someone to completely commit to the A.A. program and still fail..." to PLBB p. 66, "...That God could and would help us if we tried to find God." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 64
20. What evidence is there from my experience that I can be honest with myself?
PLBB p. 64
21. What evidence is there from my experience that I do or do not “suffer from emotional and mental disorders"?
PLBB p. 65
22. What spiritual principle(s) do I see in each step? (No "right" answer. Each step may suggest more than one principle.)
PLBB p. 66
23. Give a few examples of what "spiritual progress" or to "grow, both spiritually and personally" might actually look like in my sober and clean life. Why is "spiritual perfection" NOT the goal?
PLBB p. 66
24. Am I convinced of the a, b, c's? A yes/no answer is acceptable!
This question marks the CLOSE of Step Two.
Read
19. Read from the beginning of the chapter “How It Works (PLBB p. 64) "It’s very rare for someone to completely commit to the A.A. program and still fail..." to PLBB p. 66, "...That God could and would help us if we tried to find God." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 64
20. What evidence is there from my experience that I can be honest with myself?
PLBB p. 64
21. What evidence is there from my experience that I do or do not “suffer from emotional and mental disorders"?
PLBB p. 65
22. What spiritual principle(s) do I see in each step? (No "right" answer. Each step may suggest more than one principle.)
PLBB p. 66
23. Give a few examples of what "spiritual progress" or to "grow, both spiritually and personally" might actually look like in my sober and clean life. Why is "spiritual perfection" NOT the goal?
PLBB p. 66
24. Am I convinced of the a, b, c's? A yes/no answer is acceptable!
This question marks the CLOSE of Step Two.
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Start of Step 3: The Decision for God)
(Start of Step 3: The Decision for God)
Change the Set Aside Prayer to focus on Step 3.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 3, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
How it Works Step 3
(look up success, self-centeredness, selfishness, keystone)
Read
1. Read from PLBB p. 66 "The Twelve Steps were created so that…" up to PLBB p. 68, "We felt like we had been reborn." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 66
2. The book says that the first requirement of Step 3 is that we be convinced that "following our own self-centered plans would never work in the long run." What does a plan working out in the long run mean to me? Whose life or whose lives do I consider their plans working out in the long run? Remember, interview, or do research to find out what their life is based on.
PLBB p. 66-68
3. Give concrete examples from my current sober life of how I try to be "like an actor who wants to run the whole show”. How do I try to "play God"?
How am I "controlling" in some circumstances when trying to get my way? In other circumstances, how do I “act kind to others, but only when it benefits” me?
How do I "believe I know the best about everything"?
PLBB p. 67
4. Describe what "self-centeredness" looks, sounds, and feels like in my thoughts and emotions (interior life): e.g. relationships, work, food, money, parenting, sexuality... (remember it's a description not a condemnation!)
PLBB p. 67
5. How are my troubles caused by my own self-centeredness, though I usually don't think so"? *(exterior life)
When and how do I deny my self-will?
PLBB p. 68
6. The book says, "We had to quit playing God" and decide that God is going to be the "director" and “in charge”... that I would be the “actor” and not run the show. Some people say God is the Potter and I am the clay, the Choreographer and I am the dancer, the Father and I am the child. What concept or concepts work best for me?
PLBB p. 68
7. The Third Step promises are sketched in the third paragraph of PLBB p. 68. When have I experienced some of these promises in my sobriety?
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 3, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."
How it Works Step 3
(look up success, self-centeredness, selfishness, keystone)
Read
1. Read from PLBB p. 66 "The Twelve Steps were created so that…" up to PLBB p. 68, "We felt like we had been reborn." Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 66
2. The book says that the first requirement of Step 3 is that we be convinced that "following our own self-centered plans would never work in the long run." What does a plan working out in the long run mean to me? Whose life or whose lives do I consider their plans working out in the long run? Remember, interview, or do research to find out what their life is based on.
PLBB p. 66-68
3. Give concrete examples from my current sober life of how I try to be "like an actor who wants to run the whole show”. How do I try to "play God"?
How am I "controlling" in some circumstances when trying to get my way? In other circumstances, how do I “act kind to others, but only when it benefits” me?
How do I "believe I know the best about everything"?
PLBB p. 67
4. Describe what "self-centeredness" looks, sounds, and feels like in my thoughts and emotions (interior life): e.g. relationships, work, food, money, parenting, sexuality... (remember it's a description not a condemnation!)
PLBB p. 67
5. How are my troubles caused by my own self-centeredness, though I usually don't think so"? *(exterior life)
When and how do I deny my self-will?
PLBB p. 68
6. The book says, "We had to quit playing God" and decide that God is going to be the "director" and “in charge”... that I would be the “actor” and not run the show. Some people say God is the Potter and I am the clay, the Choreographer and I am the dancer, the Father and I am the child. What concept or concepts work best for me?
PLBB p. 68
7. The Third Step promises are sketched in the third paragraph of PLBB p. 68. When have I experienced some of these promises in my sobriety?
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Close of Step 3)
(Close of Step 3)
Read
8. Read and review the Third Step Prayer and the last paragraph on PLBB p. 68. Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 68
9. What does the prayer itself mean to me? Each line?
10. Rewrite the Step Three Prayer if so inclined using words that capture what it means to me. Possibly talk to others about their Third Step decision and what it means to them.
11. When ready to make the decision to turn my life over, schedule a time to do so with a sponsor, best friend, priest, rabbi, Iman, teacher, therapist... . Maybe consider where to say it. Is there a special place? I've taken the Third Step in a church, in a coffee shop bathroom, in the parking lot of a diner at midnight, at someone's house, in a beautiful park at night.
The event of saying the prayer marks the CLOSE of Step Three.
12. Stop saying the Set Aside Prayer so that my new relationship to God as I understand God can be embraced and has a chance to sink in.
Instead, say the Third Step Prayer each morning.
8. Read and review the Third Step Prayer and the last paragraph on PLBB p. 68. Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
PLBB p. 68
9. What does the prayer itself mean to me? Each line?
10. Rewrite the Step Three Prayer if so inclined using words that capture what it means to me. Possibly talk to others about their Third Step decision and what it means to them.
11. When ready to make the decision to turn my life over, schedule a time to do so with a sponsor, best friend, priest, rabbi, Iman, teacher, therapist... . Maybe consider where to say it. Is there a special place? I've taken the Third Step in a church, in a coffee shop bathroom, in the parking lot of a diner at midnight, at someone's house, in a beautiful park at night.
The event of saying the prayer marks the CLOSE of Step Three.
12. Stop saying the Set Aside Prayer so that my new relationship to God as I understand God can be embraced and has a chance to sink in.
Instead, say the Third Step Prayer each morning.
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column One)
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column One)
How it Works: Step 4
(Look up "spiritual disease")
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column One
Read
1. Read from “How It Works” PLBB p. 69, "After we’d committed to Step Three through prayer..." to "...at whom we were angry." under “Dealing with resentment” on PLBB p. 70. Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
2. Think about an inventory process in a grocery, from PLBB p. 69: “This is also true for people. … We need to know what’s inside of us (on our shelves), and be willing to throw out damaged goods (harmful ideas and behaviors). How might an owner of a business "fool themselves about what can be sold and what must be thrown away"? (No need to write.)
3. Always start your inventory each time by writing a prayer to see the truth. The prayer that was given to me is "Write through me God your healing and liberating truth please. Thy will be done." Or, something simple like, "Higher Power, please show me the truth."
Three thoughts:
4. The following is a a suggested tool to help "go back through your life" (PLBB p. 70):
Next, use the lines to help you remember the people you are resentful, angry at, or who have interfered with you, or who hurt, depressed, disappointed or threatened you. Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the people who make you FEEL emotion today.
5. List the institutions you are angry at, are hurt by, threatened you, interfered with you (e.g., jails, prisons, hospitals, schools, churches, insurance companies, big pharma, corporations, etc.) Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the institutions that make you FEEL emotion today.
6. List the principles you are angry at, hurt by, threatened by, or that have interfered with you.
The following are examples of principles, i.e. fundamental beliefs or rules:
7, Look back over the list to see if you have omitted anyone or anything or if you have included someone or something that doesn't belong.
(Look up "spiritual disease")
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column One
Read
1. Read from “How It Works” PLBB p. 69, "After we’d committed to Step Three through prayer..." to "...at whom we were angry." under “Dealing with resentment” on PLBB p. 70. Highlight and reflect on what resonates.
2. Think about an inventory process in a grocery, from PLBB p. 69: “This is also true for people. … We need to know what’s inside of us (on our shelves), and be willing to throw out damaged goods (harmful ideas and behaviors). How might an owner of a business "fool themselves about what can be sold and what must be thrown away"? (No need to write.)
3. Always start your inventory each time by writing a prayer to see the truth. The prayer that was given to me is "Write through me God your healing and liberating truth please. Thy will be done." Or, something simple like, "Higher Power, please show me the truth."
Three thoughts:
- Let it flow.
- Don't censor.
- What you don't put down, you get to keep.
4. The following is a a suggested tool to help "go back through your life" (PLBB p. 70):
- Make a set of time lines with zero (0) as your birth.
- The first line goes from age 0 to 7,
- the next from 7 to 14,
- the next from 14 to 21, etc...
- up to or just past your current age.
Next, use the lines to help you remember the people you are resentful, angry at, or who have interfered with you, or who hurt, depressed, disappointed or threatened you. Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the people who make you FEEL emotion today.
5. List the institutions you are angry at, are hurt by, threatened you, interfered with you (e.g., jails, prisons, hospitals, schools, churches, insurance companies, big pharma, corporations, etc.) Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the institutions that make you FEEL emotion today.
6. List the principles you are angry at, hurt by, threatened by, or that have interfered with you.
The following are examples of principles, i.e. fundamental beliefs or rules:
- Religion: I resent the hypocrisy I see in religious communities. I resent the "restrictions" of the "religious" life.
- Morality or society: I resent political correctness; the tyranny of "thinness"; that men are paid more than women for the same job; racial inequality. I resent the principle that your income is your value...
- AA: I resent the principle that I must put sobriety first; that AA is about finding God; that you shouldn’t get into a relationship in the first year.
- Nature: I resent that we all have to die; natural disasters; survival of the fittest; that bad things happen to good people.
- Government: I resent taxes; wasteful government spending.
7, Look back over the list to see if you have omitted anyone or anything or if you have included someone or something that doesn't belong.
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Two)
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Two)
How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Two
PLBB p. 70
8. "Then we asked ourselves why we felt angry." This is the second column. (The first column is the name of the person, institution, or principle.)
The layout now matters. A spiral notebook works well. To the left of the left margin is column 1. To the right of it, is column 2. See the picture below.
Again, always start your inventory each time you write by writing a prayer to see the truth.
Remember the three thoughts:
Write why you are angry, disappointed, threatened, interfered with. State your case! You can keep it really brief like the Big Book or let it pour out on the paper.
If you write a LOT you might look it over after and circle the core reason or reasons you're angry.
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Two
PLBB p. 70
8. "Then we asked ourselves why we felt angry." This is the second column. (The first column is the name of the person, institution, or principle.)
The layout now matters. A spiral notebook works well. To the left of the left margin is column 1. To the right of it, is column 2. See the picture below.
Again, always start your inventory each time you write by writing a prayer to see the truth.
Remember the three thoughts:
- Let it flow.
- Don't censor.
- What you don't put down, you get to keep.
Write why you are angry, disappointed, threatened, interfered with. State your case! You can keep it really brief like the Big Book or let it pour out on the paper.
If you write a LOT you might look it over after and circle the core reason or reasons you're angry.
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Three)
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Three)
How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Three
PLBB p. 70-71
9. Read from "Then we asked ourselves why we felt angry. ..." through to "...we focused on being both thorough and completely honest."
Opposite each name, write what part of yourself was injured: called by some, the 7 areas of self
Note: If this isn't your first inventory, or if you want more complexity to the third column, click below for other options for extending the third column. Scroll down to where it says, "Third Column."
Extended 3rd Column
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Three
PLBB p. 70-71
9. Read from "Then we asked ourselves why we felt angry. ..." through to "...we focused on being both thorough and completely honest."
Opposite each name, write what part of yourself was injured: called by some, the 7 areas of self
- self-esteem (who I am)
- ambition (what I want)
- security (what I need)
- pride (how others should see me)
- personal relations (my relationships with others)
- sex relations (my sense of myself as a woman)
- pocketbook (my investment in money, time, emotion...)
Note: If this isn't your first inventory, or if you want more complexity to the third column, click below for other options for extending the third column. Scroll down to where it says, "Third Column."
Extended 3rd Column
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory Realization)
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory Realization)
How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory Realization
10. When completely finished with the third column writing, read PLBB p. 71 from "As we went back through our lives..." to PLBB p. 72, "We could not wish them away, just as we couldn’t wish away our drinking." Highlight what resonates.
11. Looking at what you have written in your inventory so far, reflect in writing on the reading:
"Since we were alcoholics, feeling huge amounts of anger and resentment was dangerous.” How does this passage make me feel?
Have you had the power to "wish them away" (resentments, hurts, harsh judgements...) or do they hijack your mind?
12. Read PLBB p. 72 from "Eventually, we realized that the people who had wronged us..." to "...with the help of our Higher Power we can learn to be kind to everyone we meet."
13. For each separate entry, here are some suggestions:
Step 4: Resentment Inventory Realization
10. When completely finished with the third column writing, read PLBB p. 71 from "As we went back through our lives..." to PLBB p. 72, "We could not wish them away, just as we couldn’t wish away our drinking." Highlight what resonates.
11. Looking at what you have written in your inventory so far, reflect in writing on the reading:
"Since we were alcoholics, feeling huge amounts of anger and resentment was dangerous.” How does this passage make me feel?
Have you had the power to "wish them away" (resentments, hurts, harsh judgements...) or do they hijack your mind?
12. Read PLBB p. 72 from "Eventually, we realized that the people who had wronged us..." to "...with the help of our Higher Power we can learn to be kind to everyone we meet."
13. For each separate entry, here are some suggestions:
- Prayer with Written Reflection: Help me to realize this person, institution, or principle is spiritually ill, just like me. Reflection: Please show me the truth of how I may have done, or felt like doing, the same thing or something similar to someone else or to myself. Write that realization down.
- Prayer: Please give me your Power to show the same tolerance, compassion and patience for this person, institution, or principle, that I would have for a chronically ill friend. How can I be helpful? God, save me from being angry.
- Prayer: I pray to put their wrongs out of my mind, to disregard their wrongs entirely and see my own mistakes, where I was or am wrong or to blame. Thy will be done. (derived from the Big Book pages 66 and 67; PLBB p. 72).
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Four)
(Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column Four)
How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column 4
Next write my mistakes.
self-centered/selfish:
dishonest
self-seeking
afraid
harm
Step 4: Resentment Inventory, Column 4
Next write my mistakes.
self-centered/selfish:
- What self-centered/selfish thoughts and/or attitudes did I have?
- Extended Reflections:
- What am I holding on to?
- What larger picture did I fail or am I failing to see?
- How did I fail or am I failing to see someone else's point of view?
- How do I use my painful or shameful past to separate from others?
- How do I use this to separate from God's love and forgiveness?
- What might God's perspective be?
- What am I holding on to?
dishonest
- What lies did I or am I telling to others or to myself?
- Extended Reflections:
- Did I create and respond to a false narrative?
- Does this remind me or bring up something from the past (maybe this person isn't actually who I'm resentful at?)
- What old ideas do I believe? For example, "I believe that to ask for help is a sign of weakness." "I believe that to leave is to admit failure." "I believe that if I tell the truth of my feelings I will be judged, rejected, and alone." "I believe it's my job to change the world." "I believed that all men were going to betray and hurt me because of my childhood experiences." “I believe I have to be “nice” so I keep stuffing my truth.” I believe that God is punishing me so I let him abuse me.”
- Did I create and respond to a false narrative?
self-seeking
- What self-seeking actions did I take?
- Extended Reflections:
- What did I try to get?
- How did I or am I thinking and acting on behalf of only myself, my ambition, my wants and desires?
- How was or am I trying to fill that God-shaped hole?
- How did I or am I not listening to the inner resource, intuitive thought, the God within myself?
- What benefit do I get from my not taking responsibility for my own actions?
- What did I try to get?
afraid
- What was I or am I afraid of?
- What fears does this bring up from my past, my childhood?
harm
- What harm (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) to others can I see I caused?
- Extended Reflections:
- Did my actions and/or attitudes drain someone's energy, distract them from their purpose, damage them in any way, deprive them of something? (Four D's: drain, distract, damage, deprive, ...)
- What harm (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) to myself can I see? Consider the same four D's for example?
- Did my actions and/or attitudes drain someone's energy, distract them from their purpose, damage them in any way, deprive them of something? (Four D's: drain, distract, damage, deprive, ...)
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Fear Inventory)
(Step 4: Fear Inventory)
How it Works
Step 4: Fear Inventory
1. Read from PLBB p. 72 "If you look back at our example list, you’ll see that the word “fear sits in parentheses…" up to PLBB p. 73, "...we can begin to outgrow our fears." Highlight what resonates.
2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the Third Step decision.
List all your fears: "We put them on paper, even if they weren’t connected to feelings of resentment." (PLBB p. 73) For example, "I'm afraid of heights," "I'm afraid of never having a relationship."
Consider if the opposite might also be true: "I'm afraid of having a relationship."
3. Whittle them down to 4-7 core fears. You might ask yourself, "What is the fear under that fear?" in order to whittle down the list.
4. Now write on each one of those core fears using the following questions derived from the Big Book/PLBB pages just read. These are six questions Fran gave Chandra M. for writing a fear inventory on the core level fears:
Step 4: Fear Inventory
1. Read from PLBB p. 72 "If you look back at our example list, you’ll see that the word “fear sits in parentheses…" up to PLBB p. 73, "...we can begin to outgrow our fears." Highlight what resonates.
2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the Third Step decision.
List all your fears: "We put them on paper, even if they weren’t connected to feelings of resentment." (PLBB p. 73) For example, "I'm afraid of heights," "I'm afraid of never having a relationship."
Consider if the opposite might also be true: "I'm afraid of having a relationship."
3. Whittle them down to 4-7 core fears. You might ask yourself, "What is the fear under that fear?" in order to whittle down the list.
4. Now write on each one of those core fears using the following questions derived from the Big Book/PLBB pages just read. These are six questions Fran gave Chandra M. for writing a fear inventory on the core level fears:
- What is the name of the fear?
- Why do I have it?
- What purpose might the fear serve?
- How do I act out in self reliance, and how has that self-reliance failed?
- What roles do I assign myself and others when I have this fear?
- How do I lack the courage of faith?
- What do I think God would have me be?
Chapter 5: How It Works
(Step 4: Sex Inventory, and/or Money, Food...)
(Step 4: Sex Inventory, and/or Money, Food...)
How it Works
Step 4: Sex Inventory (or a "conduct" inventory. The same process can be used for Money, Food...) =
1. Read from PLBB p. 73, "Now let’s talk about sex..." up to PLBB p. 74, "It might even help you avoid a heartache." Highlight what resonates.
2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the Third Step decision.
List your significant sexual relationships. "Significant" does not necessarily mean long-term. Some relationships impact more than others. If you have been with many many partners, you might group certain individuals, e.g. "men/women I met online," "men/women who paid me for sex," "one (or two) night stands met in bars."
However, this is NOT a resentment inventory. That has been covered before. If when writing this inventory, more resentment is uncovered, go back and write out the four columns before trying to include those individuals in your sex inventory.
3. Answer the following questions about each significant individual or group:
4. Pray to form the "right sex ideal." Ask God to mold the ideal.
Write the facets of your ideal down.
Prayer for a Sex Ideal
God, please help me shape a sane and sound ideal for my future sex life.
Help me to subject each relation to the test of whether it is selfish or not.
Please mold my ideal and help me to live up to it
remembering my sex power is a gift from You and therefore good,
not to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed.
Help me to be willing to grow towards my ideal,
to make amends when I have caused harm,
to ask You in meditation about each specific matter,
trusting that the right answer will come
because I am willing to listen for and surrender to Your will.
I believe that only You can judge my sex situation,
no one else - You are the final judge.
I do feel sorry for what I did:
(insert your own wrongs here for the purple text)
allowing a man to intimidate me,
using sex to control and manipulate,
making him a false god,
and I do have the honest desire for You to take me to better things.
I pray not to cause more harm as You heal all my relationships with others.
The conduct inventory and ideal mark the close of Step 4.
Step 4: Sex Inventory (or a "conduct" inventory. The same process can be used for Money, Food...) =
1. Read from PLBB p. 73, "Now let’s talk about sex..." up to PLBB p. 74, "It might even help you avoid a heartache." Highlight what resonates.
2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the Third Step decision.
List your significant sexual relationships. "Significant" does not necessarily mean long-term. Some relationships impact more than others. If you have been with many many partners, you might group certain individuals, e.g. "men/women I met online," "men/women who paid me for sex," "one (or two) night stands met in bars."
However, this is NOT a resentment inventory. That has been covered before. If when writing this inventory, more resentment is uncovered, go back and write out the four columns before trying to include those individuals in your sex inventory.
3. Answer the following questions about each significant individual or group:
- Where have I been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate?
- Whom have I hurt?
- Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness?
- Where was I at fault?
- What should I have done instead?
- Was the relationship selfish or not?
4. Pray to form the "right sex ideal." Ask God to mold the ideal.
Write the facets of your ideal down.
- How do you want to be (or not be) in your future, sober sex life?
- What do you want to do (or not do) in your future sex life?
- What relationship do you hope to have with your own sexuality (single or not)?
- What might be some of your boundaries within a healthy sexual relationship(s)?
- What might be some of your freedoms within a healthy sexual relationship(s)?
- How might you form your ideal in a way that allows you to stay sober, clean, and sane? To feel God with you?
Prayer for a Sex Ideal
God, please help me shape a sane and sound ideal for my future sex life.
Help me to subject each relation to the test of whether it is selfish or not.
Please mold my ideal and help me to live up to it
remembering my sex power is a gift from You and therefore good,
not to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed.
Help me to be willing to grow towards my ideal,
to make amends when I have caused harm,
to ask You in meditation about each specific matter,
trusting that the right answer will come
because I am willing to listen for and surrender to Your will.
I believe that only You can judge my sex situation,
no one else - You are the final judge.
I do feel sorry for what I did:
(insert your own wrongs here for the purple text)
allowing a man to intimidate me,
using sex to control and manipulate,
making him a false god,
and I do have the honest desire for You to take me to better things.
I pray not to cause more harm as You heal all my relationships with others.
The conduct inventory and ideal mark the close of Step 4.
Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 5, 6, and 7)
(Steps 5, 6, and 7)
Into Action
Steps 5, 6, and 7
Step 5
1. Read from page PLBB p. 76 from "Now that you have made your personal inventory..." up to PLBB p. 78, "They are glad to help us." Highlight what resonates.
2. Prepare to "explain to your partner* what you are going to do and why you need to do it” (PLBB p. 78). *(sponsor, therapist, priest...)
gap in time - schedule time to read the inventory to your sponsor
3. Read the inventory.
The fruit of Step 5 is a list of those people possibly harmed and the defects of character revealed.
4. After arriving home from reading the inventory, read from PLBB p. 78, "When we’re ready, we must pocket our pride…" to PLBB p. 79, "...Then we have completed Step Seven," and do precisely what the Big Book/PLBB says.
If something comes to mind that was omitted from the inventory, I call my sponsor.
If I am willing to give all, the good and the bad, to God, I'm ready to say the Seventh Step Prayer written in the second paragraph. It is suggested to say this prayer in a kneeling posture or any posture that encourages a sense of humility (reverence, trust, dignity) in the presence of your Higher Power.
Saying the Seventh Step Prayer marks the CLOSE of Steps Five through Seven.
Steps 5, 6, and 7
Step 5
1. Read from page PLBB p. 76 from "Now that you have made your personal inventory..." up to PLBB p. 78, "They are glad to help us." Highlight what resonates.
2. Prepare to "explain to your partner* what you are going to do and why you need to do it” (PLBB p. 78). *(sponsor, therapist, priest...)
gap in time - schedule time to read the inventory to your sponsor
3. Read the inventory.
The fruit of Step 5 is a list of those people possibly harmed and the defects of character revealed.
4. After arriving home from reading the inventory, read from PLBB p. 78, "When we’re ready, we must pocket our pride…" to PLBB p. 79, "...Then we have completed Step Seven," and do precisely what the Big Book/PLBB says.
If something comes to mind that was omitted from the inventory, I call my sponsor.
If I am willing to give all, the good and the bad, to God, I'm ready to say the Seventh Step Prayer written in the second paragraph. It is suggested to say this prayer in a kneeling posture or any posture that encourages a sense of humility (reverence, trust, dignity) in the presence of your Higher Power.
Saying the Seventh Step Prayer marks the CLOSE of Steps Five through Seven.
Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 8 and 9)
(Steps 8 and 9)
Into Action
Steps 8 and 9
1. Read PLBB p. 79 from, "Now we need to take even more action…” up to PLBB p. 85, "They will always come into our lives if we work for them." (the Ninth Step promises). Highlight what resonates, especially what is relevant to my own amends. The AA Grapevine book "Making Amends" (click here) is highly recommended.
2. Readings
PLBB p. 80: "Remember that we agreed at the beginning to do whatever it took to win our battle with alcohol.”
PLBB p. 81: "First, we remind ourselves that we are committed to finding a spiritual experience..."
PLBB p. 84: "An alcoholic is like a tornado roaring its way through the lives of others..." through, "...We believe that alcoholics who say stopping drinking is enough don’t understand the damage they have caused."
Am I willing to do whatever it takes to make amends to those harmed, including myself:
3. Directions:
3. Bring the cards to the next sponsor meeting in order to review each one.
Suggestions:
Completing amends to the best of my ability marks the CLOSE of Step 9. More amends will always be revealed.
Steps 8 and 9
1. Read PLBB p. 79 from, "Now we need to take even more action…” up to PLBB p. 85, "They will always come into our lives if we work for them." (the Ninth Step promises). Highlight what resonates, especially what is relevant to my own amends. The AA Grapevine book "Making Amends" (click here) is highly recommended.
2. Readings
PLBB p. 80: "Remember that we agreed at the beginning to do whatever it took to win our battle with alcohol.”
PLBB p. 81: "First, we remind ourselves that we are committed to finding a spiritual experience..."
PLBB p. 84: "An alcoholic is like a tornado roaring its way through the lives of others..." through, "...We believe that alcoholics who say stopping drinking is enough don’t understand the damage they have caused."
Am I willing to do whatever it takes to make amends to those harmed, including myself:
- for victory over alcohol?
- to find a spiritual experience?
3. Directions:
- Find a set of 3-in by 5-in cards.
- In prayer, review your resentment and sex/conduct inventories.
- On the front of each card, write down the name of the person, institution, or group of people you may have caused harm to.
- In prayer, review your defects of character. Do any additional names of people, institutions, or groups of people come up that may have been harmed? Make a card for each one.
- On the front of each card, also write down any contact information you have.
- On the back of the card, write down the specific harm(s) you feel you may have caused.
- Also, on the back of the card, write down how you mind do this amend, such as:
- in-person
- letter, email
- phone call
- text message
- "living" amend
- in-person
- Assign each card a number from 1 to 5. "Five" means "I am very willing to make this amend" and "1" means "I am not willing to make this amend."
- Don't assign a number if you are unsure there is an amend.
3. Bring the cards to the next sponsor meeting in order to review each one.
Suggestions:
- Seek to clarify that harm has been caused.
- Talk through with your sponsor what you want to actually say, e.g.:
- "Thank you for meeting with me."
- "As part of recovery, it's important for me to make amends where I've caused harm..."
- "I was wrong when I...."
- "Is there anything I have left out that caused you harm?"
- "Thank you for meeting with me."
Completing amends to the best of my ability marks the CLOSE of Step 9. More amends will always be revealed.
Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 10 and 11)
(Steps 10 and 11)
Into Action
Step 10
1. Read PLBB p. 85 from "Now we are at Step Ten..." to PLBB p. 86, "It helps us keep our will in line with our Higher Power’s will." Highlight what resonates.
2. What does it mean to me to "have stopped fighting anything or anyone–even alcohol”?
3. During the next sponsor meeting, review the Tenth Step process of "Watch, Ask, Discuss, Amend, Turn" in detail.
4. Practice Step 10 for at least one week before moving into Step 11. Practice saying, "How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done" throughout each day.
5. At the next sponsor meeting, discuss experiences with Step 10. What has been noticeable from that experience?
Into Action
Step 11
1. Read PLBB p. 86 from "We’ve already talked about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from our Higher Power." to the end of the chapter “Into Action” (PLBB p. 87). Highlight what resonates. Circle each time the book uses the word "ask."
PLBB p. 86
2. Review with sponsor the Eleventh Step practices of "When we go to bed at night..." and "When we wake up..."
3. Practice Step 11. Follow the precise directions in the book for both "When we go to bed at night..." and "When we wake up...".
4. Notice that the book says, "When we think about our day, we may feel confused. We may not be able to decide which course to take. If this happens we ask our Higher Power for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle." This is a perfect moment to practice silent meditation in whatever way works.
5. At next sponsor meeting, share personal experiences with the 11th Step spiritual disciplines.
Step 10
1. Read PLBB p. 85 from "Now we are at Step Ten..." to PLBB p. 86, "It helps us keep our will in line with our Higher Power’s will." Highlight what resonates.
2. What does it mean to me to "have stopped fighting anything or anyone–even alcohol”?
3. During the next sponsor meeting, review the Tenth Step process of "Watch, Ask, Discuss, Amend, Turn" in detail.
4. Practice Step 10 for at least one week before moving into Step 11. Practice saying, "How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done" throughout each day.
5. At the next sponsor meeting, discuss experiences with Step 10. What has been noticeable from that experience?
Into Action
Step 11
1. Read PLBB p. 86 from "We’ve already talked about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from our Higher Power." to the end of the chapter “Into Action” (PLBB p. 87). Highlight what resonates. Circle each time the book uses the word "ask."
PLBB p. 86
2. Review with sponsor the Eleventh Step practices of "When we go to bed at night..." and "When we wake up..."
3. Practice Step 11. Follow the precise directions in the book for both "When we go to bed at night..." and "When we wake up...".
4. Notice that the book says, "When we think about our day, we may feel confused. We may not be able to decide which course to take. If this happens we ask our Higher Power for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle." This is a perfect moment to practice silent meditation in whatever way works.
5. At next sponsor meeting, share personal experiences with the 11th Step spiritual disciplines.
Chapter 7: Working with Others
(Step 12)
(Step 12)
- Read the full chapter “Working With Others” from PLBB p. 88 up to PLBB p. 98. Highlight what resonates.
- During the next sponsor meeting, read through some of the chapter, talking about the progression of principles suggested, e.g.:
- "cooperate, and never criticize" (PLBB p. 88)
- "find out all you can about them" (PLBB p. 88)
- "Visit them while they are still jittery. They may be more open to A.A.’s ideas when still feeling unwell." (PLBB p. 89)
Notes:
On PLBB p. 88, some beautiful promises are articulated! Enjoy and live them. Let them come true; acknowledge and "bear witness" when they do!
The reality of Alcoholics Anonymous today is very different than the one which Bill and Bob knew. Heads up: Many people coming in today have a parent(s) who is sober and clean or tried "the program." This means there can be prejudice and or pre-existing beliefs about AA itself. Maybe have sensitivity to that.
The difference in the recovery world of today will be very evident as you move through the chapter. One reason we go to meetings regularly today is because that is where alcoholics generally are guided to go by the courts, doctors, psychologists, the news, family and community members. We practice our Twelfth Step in the meetings, find sponsors and sponsees, learn to be part of life, and therein work through all shapes and sizes of challenges.
Since the worlds are so different, it is recommended to uncover the guiding, suggested principles of Chapter 7, "Working with Others", beginning on PLBB p. 88 with "Maybe you don’t know any drinkers who want to recover...".
For example, notice how many times the book says the itsy bitsy word "if" (Maybe circle it). This suggests the "sponsor" be guided by their "sixth sense," "intuitive thought," "inner resource." It is that ability to respond (response-ability) that makes all the difference whether working with someone virtually, on the phone, or one on one.
