This morning the thought came to rewrite the 10 Commandments in my own words. So this is what came up for now... a work in progress.
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"They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace." (Jeremiah 6:14)
In AA some members say,
"I could never stay sober until I accepted I was an alcoholic." The Big Book says: "We learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." (Big Book page 30) So what! What's the difference? "Accept" has an "roll over" quality to it where there is TENSION in a concession or admission. Both "concede" and "admit" express the "smashing," the brutality of finally realizing and telling the truth. To "accept" feels to me to be at peace with the truth... Why change? I accept it. In that peace, I might well die drunk. God, I pray you keep me off "spiritual opiates. "They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace." (Jeremiah 6:14) "Oh Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds and whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me!" Yes, let me hear and experience this God whose voice can be heard, whose breath gives life, hear me God! "I am small and weak" - My smallness is exposed by the unmanageability of my self-centeredness: my worries, needs, resentments, pettiness, fears, loneliness, self-talking mind... My weakness is disclosed by my powerlessness over my thinking, over injustice, cruelty, impending tyranny, others' choices, the pace of the river... "Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. Make my hands respect the things you have made and my ears sharp to hear your voice. Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock." Let me walk in the Great Reality, the Realm beyond unkindness, self-centeredness, shame, judgement, mental torture. I can walk in the beauty of knowing there is a room prepared for me, both an inner room and a room beyond the veil. There, I am able to respect, to hear, to understand, to be teachable, to let go, to decide. "I seek strength not to be greater than my brother but to fight my greatest enemy, myself." That's a new dimension - that the battle is within myself, my beliefs and blind spots. I lack humility. My Creator gives me Power to take responsibility for my own self... Who am I to harshly blame or judge anyone? I'm not a victim... Give me the power of discernment to avoid being a victim of someone else's separation from you just because I want something from that person more than I want a relationship with Spirit and Truth. Besides, I can pray and call the police, pray and tell the truth, pray and seek justice. "Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes So when life fades, as the fading sunset, My spirit may come to you without shame." So much hope and simplicity. My life might end today or at the start of a protracted slide. Let me come to you, my Creator, without shame, without fear. How is that even possible when I am so flawed? You know me and see behind my mask and love me fully as I am, struggling today with a needy neighbor. He revolts me because he looks to me as a savior - "You can save me!" I condemn myself for rejecting his request for a ride to "his church" and for us to pray together; as yet I have no choice but to surrender to my wariness and say, "no," trusting that must be the right thing to do. Please guide him to an experience of your infinite LOVE. My Creator, I pray not to withhold your love from any of your children. Is it possible your love is expressing itself today as my unwillingness to be pulled into his delusion? I pray to hear your voice in the winds, to be grateful for your breath, to fight my greatest enemy, myself. "The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery and the Making of American Capitalism" by Edward E. Baptist10/11/2018 Part 1: A Complaint
Will someone ever do justice to the 12-step way of life?! Film-makers, please get a real consultant from an authentic AA group? Your advisors portray AA as sentimental and ineffectual when it is the most advanced spiritual liberation technology ever clarified!!! Yes, I'm talking to you, too, our beloved Ava Duvernay; Darla's sponsor in Queen Sugar comes off as a worried co-dependent. In "A Star is Born" there are myriad travesties: the interruption of the 12-step meeting to defer to a celebrity, the pseudo-sponsor's (?) superficial chat at rehab, the failure to really listen to and hear the story of Jackson's boyhood suicide attempt, the shabby amends to Jackson's brother and Ally... Jackson was sober when the manager's insidious lie corroborated, verified, justified his self-hate. With alcoholism untreated, his obsessive mind compelled him to believe the words were true. He's tortured, gritting his teeth in their final encounter on the bed; he kills himself in the delusion that he is making a decision, rather than simply powerless over alcoholism - operative sober or drunk. Booze is a solution, NOT the problem. Part 2: Addiction "For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long." (Psalm 32:3) One beauty of the movie is Ally's gritty understanding of the disease as a disease, stemming from her father's alcoholism. However, she sees the "splinter in Jackson's eye" (his alcoholism) and Jackson sees "the splinter in hers" (her sell out) but both fail to see "the log in their own." "...first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:5) Wait... Ally wasn't an addict... Really? Or do we just have compassion, forgiveness, and some genuine enthusiasm for her addiction since there is no pants-pissing but rather a case of "wow! our beloved down-to-earth, super-talented friend is making it big-time!" (yes to scenes with trannies and on the private plane before the "deal!") Didn't Ally make a deal with the devil? Jackson saw it and after futile attempts to wave red flags, surrendered to the mask of wanting it for her. I kept waiting for her to see it but got caught up in the "yippee" of her adrenaline-soaked ride to the "dream." Kalamu ya Saleem talks about getting into and being in the "hustle" of the music business in "Be About Beauty." "Even when we can't win, even when the deck is stacked and our getting hustled is a foregone conclusion, even then, if we don't play, we're worse off than if we play and lose. in the long run, our only chance is to play, to keep on losing until we win, because if we don't play, for sure we will never win." - page 112. So we love Ally because she plays; she relishes theatricality, is no snob about being in the mix. She came up for air a bit when nixing the dancers and questioning the hair but ultimately went under. Wouldn't we all? After all, the devil proclaims "no choice" if going for the prize to which only he knows the route on the narrow highway. Ally belts out the final song - tragedy elevating her to even greater celebrity. (Maybe the disease dances when its victims bleed so beautifully.) The aftermath includes facing (or not) a paradigm implanted long before Jackson "discovered" her. We hear and cuddle up to it in poppa bear's pride: so so sweet. Truly. Or maybe she realized the price she paid before she sang and therefore reaches beyond the "shallow" to a deeper more womanly authentic place. "Yup I sold out but I truly did love the man and we truly did love one another. Innocent. I plead innocence then... but am awake now. Was blind but now I see." Alcoholism is real and everyone, no exceptions, has some form of addiction. The Bible calls it "sin." Let's live life, love, get in the mix, but not delude ourselves that we are above a "hustle" - yes even with God, even while living in the 12 steps with one foot in the 4th dimension, one foot, generally fast asleep, is always here on Earth. God en-courages; the disease dis-courages.
God frees; the disease freezes. God unifies; the disease divides. God empowers truth; the disease empowers lies. God inspires; the disease inhibits. God uses goodness; the disease abuses goodness. In God, prophetic, in the disease pathetic. God fans, fuels my faith; The disease fans, fuels my fears. What would you add? "God is spirit and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." John 4:24
The choir was in full swing and straight off got toes tappin' and soul singin'. About 30 radiant members in two lines under an 20' by 15' (?) stained glass. Dress directions must have been broad, e.g. "wear black and white." The interpretations varied; one member chose a black two-piece suit with white trim, pearls, black pumps, net stockings, every hair in place. Another wore yoga-type black baggies with a loose white linen blouse, fro' flyin'. The men's choices ranged from maximally coordinated to relaxed. It worked; everyone, about 20 blacks and 10 whites from age 25 to 75, was singing from the heart. Immediately, I was happy to be there. After an opening round of gospel songs that we heartily joined in, everyone sat for the children's moment. About 25 kids in about the same black to white ratio as the choir - ages maybe 4 to 12 - came forward to the altar's stairs. The youth leader positioned himself with the mike and asked "what comes to mind when you think of Martin Luther King?"
The stained glass depicted Mary and baby Jesus glowing white at night in the woods midst angels, children, animals. But Mary and Jesus were black or brown, melanated. Throughout the service, there was no mention that Martin Luther King was assassinated like another black civil rights activist, Jesus. History is like the human body. When it is not aligned, when it lacks integrity, when it is out of whack, it doesn't serve it's function as an illuminator of human experience. The stained glass window might be an opportunity to remember the depth of the lies in which we are immersed and the terrible, terrible consequences of those lies for millions and millions of people. Isn't it true that the liar is as damaged as the one lied to? Every time someone gets away with a lie, they fall deeper and deeper into ruin. How could this beautiful church use their window "to worship in Spirit and in Truth?" "God is spirit and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." John 4:24 |