Each week, a small group of sober and clean women fast from midnight Thursday to 6pm Friday. After learning of our practice, a kind friend gave me an article from a medical journal about the health benefits of intermittent fasting. As a recovered alcoholic, years of experience has shown me that "good reason" has never been reason enough for me to take right action.
By fasting, I have an EXPERIENCE (not a head trip) that demonstrates to me that:
...I forget and/or justify (Step 1).
One "danger" to the fast is that I forget I'm doing it. It's automatic, hard wired, to reach for a banana, cookie, cashews. The greatest danger to my sobriety is that I forget that for me, to drink is to die. Reaching for a beer, glass of wine, shot of whiskey, still feels automatic and natural or necessary at random times. Fasting puts me in touch with my powerlessness over "forgetting," over gently, unceremoniously stepping back into delusion.
Another danger is justification, a word with the same root as "justice." My mind makes my will right, righteous, just. But nibbling, snacking, eating destroy the integrity of the fast. Could I tell my fellow AA's I was sober continuously if I was drinking once in a while? As a "smart" woman, I have an plausible justification for doing whatever the f**k I want. Going through a fast obsessing about not eating is no way to go. However, it may be a necessary stepping stone at times to a new freedom. You would think the fast was going to kill me by the way I react to not eating sometimes; medical evidence is that it does not kill but actually is a healthy practice! Likewise, I thought that a life without drinking would be "boring, stupid, and glum." That was a lie, too!
...we can do together what we could never do apart (Steps 1-12).
I've tried fasting alone to no avail. But here we are, a group telling the truth to one another, praying together, connecting each week via text, knowing the other is still in (or not), sharing our intentions and experiences. Could I have stayed sober over three decades without a fellowship that accompanies me on this journey?
"WE of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body..."
"OUR Father, who art in heaven..."
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20)
God's Power shows up when a group prays for knowledge of God's will and the Power to carry it out. It feels good to see each week I have been taken across the finish line. I can't do it alone but can with my sisters! The "finish line" for the fast is one day; the finish line for sobriety is my last breath.
... constant prayer and meditation work (Steps 10 and 11).
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
"We pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action, humbly reminding ourselves we are no longer running the show, saying to ourselves many times each day, "Thy will be done." (Big Book pg. 87)
When I obsess about the end of the fast or my hunger, I don't eat to sedate that tension but turn to God. "Who would you have me be?" "What would you have me do?" Praying mechanically or talking to God from my heart both work; I can go deeper, too, pause and light a candle, breath, meditate, return to scripture, to journaling, writing inventory; these prayer-filled practices allow God to give me "aha" moments that show me what healing is happening, what old ideas are raising their heads, or just liberate me from fear. Is it possible to read or whisper something like the following excerpt of poetry or Psalm 139 without having a change in attitude? Let's meditate daily on good food, meaning soul food.
"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."
Walt Whitman "Song of Myself" (1892 version)
"For you formed my inward parts,
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:13
God makes the average human body from about 7 x 10 to the power of 27 atoms (7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). Each performs its own task and has its own internal dynamic, energetic structure, and relationship to the whole. I am a divine Creation that is to be treated with care.
For example, the injured brain is designed to heal itself so that neural networks take over functions that are damaged. The brain has plasticity... The origin of the word "plastic" is Greek, "plassein" which means "to mould." Yet, about 99.999999% of our body, including our brain, is empty space! No wonder Peter could walk on the water! Meanwhile, the 0.01 percent that is matter is generated from DNA that is 99.9% the same as everyone else's. No wonder spiritual experiences are characterized by a feeling of being part of a greater whole; separation is the delusion; unity, oneness is the truth.
... God and God's love flow through and from me (Step 12).
"Jesus said: If your leaders say to you, "Look! The Kingdom is in the sky!" then the birds will be there before you are. If they say that the Kingdom is in the sea, then the fish will be there before you are;
Rather, the Kingdom is within you and it is outside of you.
When you understand yourselves, then you will be understood, and you will realize that you are the Sons of the living Father. If you do not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."
Gospel of Thomas, Saying 3
We have been inculcated, implanted with so much bullshit to miss the obvious, not obvious truth that the Kingdom of Heaven is within and around us. I thought Jesus and God, Mary, and the Saints were sacred, certainly not me. I am a messy human person!
"If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a Living Creator with whom we can form a relationship on simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try."
Big Book page 28
During the fast, I pause to say, "I am listening." Yes, I'm so so human, sensitive, delusional, controlling and evading, comparing and despairing, craving and wanting... but there is a deeper truth of steadfast, unconditional love that pours through and from me into the lives of others when I get out of the way. It's a beautiful thing to witness the Power of God, the Process, the Steps healing others while we too are being healed.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matt 19:26)
Fasting gives me hope. I know I'll forget and through Grace I don't. I know I'll give in to justification and... I don't. When I do or when there is a need to break or not fast, I'm honest with my sisters. The truth sets me free.
By fasting, I have an EXPERIENCE (not a head trip) that demonstrates to me that:
...I forget and/or justify (Step 1).
One "danger" to the fast is that I forget I'm doing it. It's automatic, hard wired, to reach for a banana, cookie, cashews. The greatest danger to my sobriety is that I forget that for me, to drink is to die. Reaching for a beer, glass of wine, shot of whiskey, still feels automatic and natural or necessary at random times. Fasting puts me in touch with my powerlessness over "forgetting," over gently, unceremoniously stepping back into delusion.
Another danger is justification, a word with the same root as "justice." My mind makes my will right, righteous, just. But nibbling, snacking, eating destroy the integrity of the fast. Could I tell my fellow AA's I was sober continuously if I was drinking once in a while? As a "smart" woman, I have an plausible justification for doing whatever the f**k I want. Going through a fast obsessing about not eating is no way to go. However, it may be a necessary stepping stone at times to a new freedom. You would think the fast was going to kill me by the way I react to not eating sometimes; medical evidence is that it does not kill but actually is a healthy practice! Likewise, I thought that a life without drinking would be "boring, stupid, and glum." That was a lie, too!
...we can do together what we could never do apart (Steps 1-12).
I've tried fasting alone to no avail. But here we are, a group telling the truth to one another, praying together, connecting each week via text, knowing the other is still in (or not), sharing our intentions and experiences. Could I have stayed sober over three decades without a fellowship that accompanies me on this journey?
"WE of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body..."
"OUR Father, who art in heaven..."
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20)
God's Power shows up when a group prays for knowledge of God's will and the Power to carry it out. It feels good to see each week I have been taken across the finish line. I can't do it alone but can with my sisters! The "finish line" for the fast is one day; the finish line for sobriety is my last breath.
... constant prayer and meditation work (Steps 10 and 11).
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
"We pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action, humbly reminding ourselves we are no longer running the show, saying to ourselves many times each day, "Thy will be done." (Big Book pg. 87)
When I obsess about the end of the fast or my hunger, I don't eat to sedate that tension but turn to God. "Who would you have me be?" "What would you have me do?" Praying mechanically or talking to God from my heart both work; I can go deeper, too, pause and light a candle, breath, meditate, return to scripture, to journaling, writing inventory; these prayer-filled practices allow God to give me "aha" moments that show me what healing is happening, what old ideas are raising their heads, or just liberate me from fear. Is it possible to read or whisper something like the following excerpt of poetry or Psalm 139 without having a change in attitude? Let's meditate daily on good food, meaning soul food.
"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."
Walt Whitman "Song of Myself" (1892 version)
"For you formed my inward parts,
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:13
God makes the average human body from about 7 x 10 to the power of 27 atoms (7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). Each performs its own task and has its own internal dynamic, energetic structure, and relationship to the whole. I am a divine Creation that is to be treated with care.
For example, the injured brain is designed to heal itself so that neural networks take over functions that are damaged. The brain has plasticity... The origin of the word "plastic" is Greek, "plassein" which means "to mould." Yet, about 99.999999% of our body, including our brain, is empty space! No wonder Peter could walk on the water! Meanwhile, the 0.01 percent that is matter is generated from DNA that is 99.9% the same as everyone else's. No wonder spiritual experiences are characterized by a feeling of being part of a greater whole; separation is the delusion; unity, oneness is the truth.
... God and God's love flow through and from me (Step 12).
"Jesus said: If your leaders say to you, "Look! The Kingdom is in the sky!" then the birds will be there before you are. If they say that the Kingdom is in the sea, then the fish will be there before you are;
Rather, the Kingdom is within you and it is outside of you.
When you understand yourselves, then you will be understood, and you will realize that you are the Sons of the living Father. If you do not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."
Gospel of Thomas, Saying 3
We have been inculcated, implanted with so much bullshit to miss the obvious, not obvious truth that the Kingdom of Heaven is within and around us. I thought Jesus and God, Mary, and the Saints were sacred, certainly not me. I am a messy human person!
"If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a Living Creator with whom we can form a relationship on simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try."
Big Book page 28
During the fast, I pause to say, "I am listening." Yes, I'm so so human, sensitive, delusional, controlling and evading, comparing and despairing, craving and wanting... but there is a deeper truth of steadfast, unconditional love that pours through and from me into the lives of others when I get out of the way. It's a beautiful thing to witness the Power of God, the Process, the Steps healing others while we too are being healed.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matt 19:26)
Fasting gives me hope. I know I'll forget and through Grace I don't. I know I'll give in to justification and... I don't. When I do or when there is a need to break or not fast, I'm honest with my sisters. The truth sets me free.
***
Gospel of Thomas Saying 6
His disciples questioned him and said to him, "Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray? Shall we give alms? What diet shall we observe?"
Jesus said, "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered."
His disciples questioned him and said to him, "Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray? Shall we give alms? What diet shall we observe?"
Jesus said, "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered."
Isaiah 58:3-12
The people ask:
"Why have we fasted and you see it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?"
Yahweh replies through Isaiah:
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure and
oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and
to fight and to hit with a wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day will not
make your voice to be heard on high.
Is such the fast that I choose,
a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed and
to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast and
a day acceptable to the LORD?
"Is not this the fast that I choose,
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free and
to break every yoke?
Is it not to
share your bread with the hungry and
bring the homeless poor into your house,
when you see the naked, to cover him, and
not to hide yourself from your own ego?
The shall your light break forth like the dawn and
your healing shall spring up speedily
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard
Then you shall call and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst
the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
If you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday;
and the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong
and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring garden
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in."
The people ask:
"Why have we fasted and you see it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?"
Yahweh replies through Isaiah:
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure and
oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and
to fight and to hit with a wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day will not
make your voice to be heard on high.
Is such the fast that I choose,
a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed and
to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast and
a day acceptable to the LORD?
"Is not this the fast that I choose,
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free and
to break every yoke?
Is it not to
share your bread with the hungry and
bring the homeless poor into your house,
when you see the naked, to cover him, and
not to hide yourself from your own ego?
The shall your light break forth like the dawn and
your healing shall spring up speedily
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard
Then you shall call and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst
the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
If you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday;
and the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong
and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring garden
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in."