"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there."
(Big Book pages 44 - 45)
"Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient. They failed utterly."
(Big Book page 45)
"For I do not understand my own actions.
For I do not do what I want,
but I do the very thing I hate."
(Paul, as quoted in Romans 7:15)
Do I have power over the next drink?
Can I control the amount I drink after I take that first drink?
What happens when I try to limit the amount I drink?
When I take a drink, I want another and another and another....
I don't want to start drinking if there isn't enough.
The Doctor's Opinion calls it "the phenomenon of craving."
I didn't come to AA because I drank too much, but because I just couldn't drink enough.
I have it. So easy... don't drink, right? That leads me to look at my sickened mind.
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.
Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force
the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
We are without defense against the first drink."
- Big Book page 24
Do I have power over the first drink?
Can I control the thinking that leads me back to the first drink?
Can I choose to not drink?
I can't stay stopped on my own because from a sober state of mind I justify the first drink.
A slimy serpent slips up my back to whisper:
"You aren't really an alcoholic."
"This time it will be different."
"Aren't you making a big deal out of a small one, as usual?"
"Don't tell anyone you have these thoughts."
"This reality is so bad. What's the use?"
OR it doesn't say anything at all and keeps me in total denial.
I have it. So easy... don't drink or think about drinking, right? That leads me to look at my sickened Spirit.
that we think is the root of our problem.
Do I have power over my self-centeredness when I'm sober?
When sober, am I able to deliver myself from my own bondage, ego, trauma, bedevilments (page 52) ?
Is drinking the problem or the solution?
"We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear,
we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people
- was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight?
Of course it was."
- Big Book page 52
"The Weeping Buddha" by Sara Stevenson