After reading in the Big Book, these were some helpful details from my sponsors for Step 9.
From my inventory, I learned out to uncover who and what I had harmed from 2 main sources:
On the front I was directed to put the name and contact information and what thought came as to whether each amend was better to do directly, in a letter, by phone, at graveside, using a "surrogate" (e.g. one of the stores I stole from was closed so I made the amend to a small store in my neighborhood, explaining the situation to the owner who understood immediately).
On the back, I was directed to explain the harm I caused as precisely as possible, e.g. instead of "I was uncommunicative" to say, "When I was about 10, you came to my room and said that you did not want me to smoke pot. Instead of opening up and communicating, I kept quiet. This started a pattern. Other examples are...."
After making my cards, the next thing was to meet and discuss each one with my sponsor. She helped me to sort out if I really had caused harm, what false motives I might have for making amends, and get as clear as possible.
I then put them in order from easiest for me to do to the most challenging and started with the easy ones. Note: Below the Sankofa Bird is an amend that is part of a living amend I have been making to African-Americans.
From my inventory, I learned out to uncover who and what I had harmed from 2 main sources:
- the people, places, and institutions from my resentment, fear, and sex inventories
- the list of my defects of character: Let me clarify; looking over my defect's list from Steps 7 and 8, I asked myself if there were other people who were harmed that did not show up in my inventory. For example, I had no resentment at the stores I had stolen from but the defect of stealing caused harm to the owners and workers at those businesses.
On the front I was directed to put the name and contact information and what thought came as to whether each amend was better to do directly, in a letter, by phone, at graveside, using a "surrogate" (e.g. one of the stores I stole from was closed so I made the amend to a small store in my neighborhood, explaining the situation to the owner who understood immediately).
On the back, I was directed to explain the harm I caused as precisely as possible, e.g. instead of "I was uncommunicative" to say, "When I was about 10, you came to my room and said that you did not want me to smoke pot. Instead of opening up and communicating, I kept quiet. This started a pattern. Other examples are...."
After making my cards, the next thing was to meet and discuss each one with my sponsor. She helped me to sort out if I really had caused harm, what false motives I might have for making amends, and get as clear as possible.
I then put them in order from easiest for me to do to the most challenging and started with the easy ones. Note: Below the Sankofa Bird is an amend that is part of a living amend I have been making to African-Americans.