Questions through the Big Book

Step Questions through the Big Book
(This is a work in progress....)

Table of Contents
(Click on the Titles Below)
The Doctor's Opinion: Step 1 (focus on the Physical Allergy)
Bill's Story
There is a Solution: Step 1 (Close of the focus on the Physical Allergy, beginning of the Mental Obsession)
More About Alcoholism: Step 1 (focus on the Mental Obsession)
We Agnostics: Close of Step 1 (focus on the Spiritual Malady) to Start of Step 2
We Agnostics: Step 2
How it Works: Close of Step 2 and beginning of Step 3
How it Works: Step 3 Prayer and Step 4 Resentment Inventory Column 1
How it Works: Step 4 Resentment Inventory Columns 2 and 3
How it Works: Step 4 Resentment Inventory Column 4
How it Works: Step 4 Fear Inventory
How it Works: Step 4 Sex (or "money," "conduct") Inventory
Into Action: Steps 5-7
Into Action: Steps 8-9
Into Action: Steps 10 -11

The Doctor's Opinion
(Step One: The Phenomenon of Craving, the Cycle)

Set 1

Change the set aside prayer to focus on the physical aspect of your disease.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my physical body, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."

page xxv
1. First read the Doctor's Opinion from the beginning to the end of the second full paragraph on xxviii (or the fourth page) up to "if they are to recreate their lives." Highlight what stands out. Then go back, review, and answer the following questions.

page xxv
2. What “other methods” have I tried to stay sober (clean, abstinent) that have failed?

page xxvi
3. Have I suffered "alcoholic torture?" What does it look like and feel like from my experience?

page xxviii
4. The doctor's theory is that alcoholics suffer from a "phenomenon of craving" once they take a drink. (first full paragraph at top of xxviii)
Describe the "phenomenon of craving" from about 3 specific personal experiences.

page xxvi
5. In my drinking (using) years, how am I "mentally defective?" "in full flight from reality?""maladjusted to life?"

page xxviii
6. Did I" form the habit and find I couldn't break it?"
Did I "lose my self-confidence and reliance upon things human?"
Did "my problems pile up on me and become astonishingly difficult to solve?"
Remember, no "yes, no" answers! Answer by finding specific experiences from your life.

page xxviii
7. Did "frothy emotional appeal," either from myself or others, stop or even control my drinking? Give examples from your experience.

Set 2

page xxviii
8. Read from "if any feel as psychiatrists" on xxvii to the end of the chapter.

9. Did I drink because I like the effect produced by alcohol? What did the effect of alcohol allow me to feel, think, and do? Did I always get that effect?

page xxviii
10. Share specific examples of how "the sensation so elusive that, while I can admit it was harmful, I could not after a time differentiate the true from the false." Think back, how did my alcoholic life seem the only normal one? What did I think was the problem at various points in my drinking?

page xxviii
11. Share specific examples of being "restless, irritable, and discontented unless I can experience the sense of ease and comfort that comes at once by taking a few drinks." What's at least one example from my experience with restlessness? with blaming, pointing the finger? (a form of being irritable and discontented)?

page xxix
12. Share 2 examples of giving in to the desire (obsession) again, having the craving develop, and passing through the well-known stages of a spree emerging remorseful? Did I ever make a firm resolution not to drink again?

page xxix
13. If you haven't already, make a list of all the "drugs" you ever used. Circle the ones that you resolved to stop but couldn't. Which ones do you feel you experience the "phenomenon of craving" with?

page xxx
14. Which of the classifications of alcoholics do I relate to most? In what ways am I like each of the different classifications? What do all of them have in common? Do I see these classifications in meetings?

Chapter 1: Bill's Story
(Identification with Bill's Feelings, Thinking, Drinking)

Take at least a week to do 1-5. Let Bill's Story bring up your own. Then proceed to 6-8.

1. Read through Bill's Story up to the top of page 10, "I was interested. I had to be, for I was hopeless" highlighting text that gives insight into how he drank, felt, and thought. Look up words or events in the dictionary or on line to dig deeper into meaning..

2. Review what you highlighted and ask yourself, "Have I ever drank, felt or thought like that?"

3. Page 5: When did liquor cease to be a luxury and become a necessity?

4. Page 8: What from my experience shows me that fear can't keep me sober for all and for good?

5. Pages 8 and 10: Is alcohol "my master?" Am I as hopeless as Bill?

6. Read through from "He talked for hours" to the end of the chapter highlighting what Bill felt, thought, believed, and did.

7. Pages 13-15: Am I willing to do what Bill did in order to have a spiritual experience?

8. Pages 10-15: Is there anything I am not willing to do?

Chapter 2: There is a Solution
(Step One: Close of what happens bodily and mentally after the first drink.
Opening of what happens mentally before the first drink.)

Conclusion to a Focus on What Happens AFTER the first drink

1. Read through There is a Solution up to the top of page 23, "the experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. Highlight what resonates for me.

2. Page 18: Whose life has been touched my alcoholic illness? Just list some names.

3. Page 20: What are some of the things people have said to me or that I have said to myself that show my ignorance and misunderstanding of alcoholism?

4. Page 20-21: Am I moderate drinker, hard drinker, or real alcoholic? How do I know?

5: Page 22: How am I like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

6. Page 23: Once I "take alcohol whatever into my system, something happens both in the bodily and mental sense which makes it virtually impossible for me to stop."
Make a list of some of the "reasons" I justified continuing to drink once I started.

Question 6 marks the CLOSE of a Focus on the physical malady, the phenomenon of craving, the body. The left leg of the triangle.

Change the set aside prayer to focus on the mental aspect of your disease.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the disease of my mind, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."

Focus on the Mental Obsession - What happens BEFORE the first drink

7. Read through There is a Solution from "these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink..." to the end of "There is a Solution."

8. Page 23: List the excuses I made for taking the first drink from a sober state.

9. Page 24: What are some other ways I have started to drink again?

10. Page 24: Have I lost the power of choice in drink? Is my will power practically nonexistent at times? Am I unable at certain times to bring into my consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago?

List three examples from my experience that show I am without defense against the first drink.

Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism
(Step One: The Mind)

Focus on the Mental Obsession - What happens BEFORE the first drink

(Be sure to look up obsession, delusion, concede, insanity,)

1. Read from page 30 to page 37 the second paragraph "how it could have happened" highlighting, underlining and reflecting as I go.

2. Page 30: Has the idea that somehow, someday I will control and enjoy my drinking been an obsession of mine? Give examples?

3. Compare the stories of Mr. Carpet Slippers (pages 32, 33) and Jim (pages 35-37). How are they the same and how are they different?

4. Page 37: The book defines insanity as "a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight. How does that make sense to me in light of picking up the first drink or denying my alcoholism?

5. Read from page 37 to 43 up to "their defense must come from a higher power?" highlighting and reflecting on what stands out.

6. Compare Fred's story (pages 39-42) to Mr. Carpet Slippers and Jim's Story. How are they the same and how are they different?

7. Page 43: Must my defense against the first drink come from a Higher Power?

Question 7 marks the CLOSE of a focus on the mental illness, the obsession, mental twists, blank spots, denial. The bottom leg of the triangle.

Change your set aside prayer to focus on the spiritual aspect of your disease, the right leg of the triangle.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about the dis-ease of my Spirit, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."

Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(The Spiritual Malady of Step One and Step 2, The Spiritual Solution questions 1-7)

Step 1: The Spiritual Malady

What am I like sober and clean without a drink, before i ever started drinking, and once I stay stopped for a period of time?

(Look up bedevilment, agnostic, moral, philosophy, spiritual)

8. We Agnostics Page 52: Read the paragraph about the "bedevilments" - the second full paragraph. Reflect on life sober, throughout my life, and especially before starting drinking.

how have I had and do I have trouble with personal relationships?
what evidence is there that I can not control my emotional nature?
am I prey to misery and depression?
am I full of fear?
do I have a feeling of uselessness?
can I make a living?
am I of real help to other people?
is it possible that drinking, using, and binging were the solution, not really the problem after all?

9. Read "We Agnostics" from the beginning up to page 45 "But where and how were we to find this power?" Highlight what resonates.

10: What morals and philosophies do I have and/or was I raised with? Give examples of how a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life is insufficient to overcome alcoholism?

11. Page 45: How is lack of Power (physically, mentally, and emotionally/spiritually) my dilemma? (Remember the legs of the triangle?)

12. Have I "conceded to the innermost core of my being" my truth in Step One (page 30)? What is my truth?

Question 12 marks the CLOSE of Step One.

Step 2: The Spiritual Solution

Change the set aside prayer to focus on Step 2.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 2, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."

(Look up willingness, prejudice, conception)

1. Read pages 45 to 47 from "Well, that's exactly what this book is about" up to "spiritual structure can be built" highlighting and reflecting on what stands out. Change my set aside prayer to set aside what I think I know about Step 2."

2. Page 45: Have I had doubt and prejudice towards a Higher Power? What are my prior experiences (including childhood) with church, the Realm of Spirit, spirituality, any or all religion, God... that may have shaped my views? What experiences, calamities, people, organizations seem to have undermined or encouraged my faith in a Higher Power?

3. Page 46: What moments of awe and wonder have I experienced?

4. Page 46: Describe my own conception of God and/or what God is NOT. Consider using prior experiences of "moments of awe and wonder" in describing my conception.

5. Page 47: Make a list of spiritual terms that I know of and those seen in the Big Book, such as the spiritual principles underlying the steps: humility, hope, faith, honesty, integrity, willingness, surrender, forgiveness, justice, perseverance, prayer, meditation, service. Highlight those that make me cringe a lot or a little, if any do.
Ask myself what the spiritual terms mean to me. Maybe look them up in the dictionary to get ideas.

6. Page 47: Am I willing to believe there is a Power greater than myself that can take me past the "grim truth" (BB page 144) of the first step, that can allow me to live happy, joyous, free, and sober? Look up the word "cornerstone." How does the cornerstone of a building relate to the work in Step 2?

Chapter 4: We Agnostics
(Step 2: The Spiritual Solution continued questions 7-24)

The Spiritual Solution
(Look up obstinance, sensitiveness, reason, faith)

7. Read from page 47 "That was great news to us through to the very top of page 53, "We began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly." highlighting and reflecting on what resonates for me.
Read Appendix II.

8. Page 547: Appendix II "Spiritual Experience:" Reflect on what most stands out to me. What did you need most to hear?

9. Page 48: “Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect, alcohol (and the unmanageability, the bedevilments) was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness…” Reflect on that. What comes up for me?

10. Page 48: Give at least one example of my own that "visual proof is the weakest proof," or that "outward appearances are not inward reality at all. "

11. Page 49: Who do I know whose life has been given purpose and direction because of faith. Do I know about how they came to believe or how they came to dedicate themselves to their spiritual path or religion? In what ways do they demonstrate stability and usefulness?

12. Page 51; What are the characteristics of "the realm of the spirit" and "the realm of the material"?

The Spiritual Solution
(look up worship, consciousness, belief, restore, saint)

13. Read from the top of 53 through the end of "We Agnostics" highlighting and reflecting on what resonates.

14. Page 53: "We had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else God is nothing. God either is, or isn't. What was our choice to be?" What is my choice?

15. Page 54: "Had we not variously worshipped people, sentiment, things, money, and ourselves?" What have I worshipped? What have I worshipped "with a better motive? " Have I ever had any experience where everything seemed, no matter how messy, to be exactly as it was supposed to be?

16. Page 54: "Imagine life without faith." What would mine look like?

17. Page 55: "We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that God may be found. It was so with us." How is that true and/or not true for me? Where do I find the Great Reality?

18. Page 55: How has "the consciousness of your belief come to you?" Describe examples from experience of how "prejudice has been swept away?" of "thinking honestly, " of "searching diligently?"

Chapter 5: How It Works
(Close of Step 2 and Start of Step 3: The Spiritual Solution and the Decision for God)

How it Works: Close of Step 2, The Spiritual Solution
(Look up honesty, balk, principles, saint, and perfection)

19. Read from page 58 "Rarely have we seen a person fail to page 60, "That God could and would if God were sought," highlighting and reflecting on what resonates for me.

20. Page 58: What evidence is there from my experience that I am capable of being honest with myself?

21. Page 58: What evidence is there from my experience that I do or do not suffer from "grave emotional and mental disorders?"

22. Page 60: What spiritual principle do I see in each step? (No "right" answer. Each step may suggest more than one principle.)

23. Page 60; Give a few examples of what "spiritual progress" or to "grow along spiritual lines" might actually look like in my sober and clean life. Why is "spiritual perfection" NOT the goal?

24. Page 60: Am I convinced of the a, b, c's? Yes/no is FINE!

This question marks the CLOSE of Step Two.

Change the set aside prayer to focus on Step 3.
"God please set aside for me what I think I know about Step 3, so that I may have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth. Amen."

How it Works Step 3
(look up success, self-centeredness, selfishness, keystone)
Step 3
1. Read from page 60 "Being convinced, we were at Step 3," up to page 63, "We were reborn," highlighting and reflecting on what resonates.

2. Page 60: The book says that the first requirement of Step 3 is that we be convinced that "ANY life based on self-will can hardly be a success." What does "success" mean to me? Whose life or whose lives do I consider a "success?" Remember, interview, or do research to find out what their life is based on.

3. Page 60-61: Give concrete examples from my current sober life of how I try to be "the actor running the whole show?" or how do I "play God." How am I "demanding" in some circumstances when trying to get my way? How am I "gracious" in others? How am I "a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only manage well?"

4. Page 62: Describe what "self-centeredness" looks, sounds, and feels like in my thoughts, emotions (interior life): e.g. relationships, work, food, money, parenting, sexuality... (remember it's a description not a condemnation!)

5. Page 62: How am I "self-will run riot in my actions (exterior life), though I usually don't think so?" When and how do I deny my self-will?

6. Page 62: The book says, "We had to quit playing God" and decide that God is going to be the "Director," "Principal," "Father" "Employer"... that I am the actor, agent, child, employee. Some people say God is the Potter and I am the clay, the Choreographer and I am the dancer. What concept or concepts work best for me?

7. Page 63: The Third Step promises are sketched in the first paragraph of page 63. When have I experienced some of these promises in my sobriety?

Chapter 5: How It Works
(Close of Step 3 and Resentment Inventory, Column One)

How it Works: Close of Step 3

8. Page 63: Read and review the Third Step Prayer and the last paragraph on page 63 highlighting and reflecting on what resonates.

9. What does the prayer itself mean to me? Each line?

10. Rewrite it if so inclined using words that capture what it means to me. Possibly talk to others about their Third Step decision and what it means to them.

11. When ready to make the decision to turn my life over, schedule a time to do so with a sponsor, best friend, priest, rabbi, Iman, teacher, therapist... . Maybe consider where to say it? Is there a special place? I've taken it in a church, in a coffee shop bathroom, in the parking lot of a diner at midnight, at someone's house, in a beautiful park at night.

The event of saying the prayer marks the CLOSE of Step Three.

12. Stop saying the set aside prayer so that your new role can be embraced and has a chance to sink in. Instead, say the Third Step each morning while considering the role or roles you chose in Step 3.

How it Works: Step 4
(Look up "spiritual disease")

Step 4: Resentment Inventory Column One
1. Page 63: Read from "Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, to "with whom we were angry" at the bottom of page 64. Highlight and reflect on what resonates.

2. Think about an inventory process in a clothes store or grocery. We are going to do "exactly the same thing with our lives." How might an owner of a business "fool themselves about values?" (No need to write.)

3. Always start your inventory each time you write by writing a prayer to see the truth. The prayer that was given to me is "write through me God your healing and liberating truth please. Thy will be done." Three thoughts: 1. Let it flow. 2. Don't censor. 3. What you don't put down, you get to keep.

4. The following is a a suggested tool to help "go back through your life:"
Make a set of time lines with zero as your birth.
The first line goes from age 0 to 7,
the next from 7 to 14,
the next from 14 to 21, etc ..
up to or just past your current age.

Next, use the lines to help you remember the people you are resentful, angry at, or who have interfered with you, hurt, depressed, disappointed, threatened you. Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the people who make you FEEL emotion today.

5. List the institutions you are angry at, are hurt by, threatened you, interfered with you (jails, prisons, hospitals, schools, churches, insurance companies, big pharma, corporations, etc.) Go back through your life starting when you were a child. Only list the institutions who make you FEEL emotion today.

6. List the principles you are angry at, hurt by, threatened by, or that have interfered with you. The following are examples of principles, i.e. fundamental beliefs or rules:

Religion: I resent the idea that women should be subservient to men, tithing, manifesting (wrong thoughts bring you bad results in your life). I resent rules on marriage. birth control, sex, etc.
Morality or society: I resent political correctness. the tyranny of "thinness," laws against abortion (or “in favor of abortion”), homosexuality, that men are paid more then women for the same job, racial inequality, militarized or defunded police. I resent the principle that your income is your value...
AA: I resent the principle that I must put sobriety first, that AA is about finding God, that you shouldn’t get into a relationship in the first year.
Nature: I resent that we all have to die, natural disasters, survival of the fittest, that bad things happen to good people.
Government: I resent the principle of open immigration, taxes, wasteful government spending, capitalist ideas (democratic, republican, liberal, socialist).

Note: Clarification of "principles: derived from "All12Steps.com

7, Look back over the list to see if you have omitted anyone or anything or if you have included someone or something that doesn't belong.

Chapter 5: How It Works
(Resentment Inventory Columns Two and Three)

How it Works
Resentment Inventory Column Two.

8. Page 64: "We asked ourselves why we were angry." This is the second column. (The first column is the name of the person, institution, or principle.)
The layout now matters. A spiral notebook works well. To the left of the left margin is column 1. To the right of it, is column 2. See the picture below.

Again, always start your inventory each time you write by writing a prayer to see the truth. The prayer that was given to me is "write through me God your healing and liberating truth please. Thy will be done."
Three thoughts: 1. Let it flow. 2. Don't censor. 3. What you don't put down, you get to keep.

Write why you are angry, disappointed, threatened, interfered with. State your case! You can keep it really brief like the big book or let it pour out on the paper. If you write a LOT you might look it over after and circle the core reason or reasons you're angry.

How it Works
Resentment Inventory Column Three

9. Page 64-65: Read from "We asked ourselves why were were angry through to we went back through our lives ."
Opposite each name, write what part of yourself was injured: called by some, the 7 areas of self

self-esteem (who I am)
ambition (what I want)
security (what I need)
pride (how others should see me)
personal relations (my relationships with others)
sex relations (my sense of myself as a woman)
pocketbook (my investment in money, time, emotion...)

Jot down when you see fear, too, as they have done in the Big Book on page 65

Note: If this isn't your first inventory, or if you want more complexity to the third column, click here for other options for extending the third column. Scroll down to where it says, "Third Column."

Extended 3rd Column

Chapter 5: How It Works
(Resentment Inventory, Realization and Column Four)

How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory Realization

10. When completely finished with the third column writing, read pages 65-66 from "We went back through our lives" to "we could not wish them away any more than alcohol" at the bottom of page 66. Highlight what resonates for you.

11. Looking at what you have written in your inventory so far, reflect in writing on the reading. For example: How has "the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had the power to actually kill?" "Have you had the power to "wish them away" (resentments, hurts, harsh judgements...) or do they hijack your mind?

12. Read page 66 from "this was our course" to page 67, "God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."

13. For each separate entry, follow "the course."

Prayer with Reflection: Help me to realize this person, institution, or principle is spiritually ill, just like me. Reflection: Please show me the truth of how I may have done, or felt like doing, the same thing or something similar to someone else or to myself. You might write that down.

Prayer: Please give me your Power to show the same tolerance, compassion and patience for this person, institution, or principle, that I would have for a chronically ill friend. How can I be helpful? God, save me from being angry.
Prayer: I pray to put their wrongs out of my mind, to disregard their wrongs entirely and see my own mistakes, where I was or am wrong or to blame. Thy will be done. (derived from the Big Book pages 66 and 67).

How it Works
Step 4: Resentment Inventory Column 4
Next write my own mistakes. Keep it simple. Just use these ideas to get you going.

self-centered/ selfish:

What self-centered thoughts and/or attitudes did I have?
What am I holding on to?
What larger picture did I fail or am I failing to see?
How did I fail or am I failing to see someone else's point of view?
How do I use my painful or shameful past to separate from others?
How do I use this to separate from God's love and forgiveness?
What might God's perspective be?

dishonest

What lies did I or am I telling to others or to myself?
Did I create and respond to a false narrative?
Does this remind me or bring up something from the past (maybe this person isn't actually who I'm resentful at?)
What old ideas do I believe? For example, "I believe that to ask for help is a sign of weakness." "I believe that to leave is to admit failure." "I believe that if I tell the truth of my feelings I will be judged, rejected, and alone." "I believe it's my job to change the world." "I believed that all men were going to betray and hurt me because of my childhood experiences." “I believe I have to be “nice” so I keep stuffing my truth.” I believe that God is punishing me so I let him abuse me.”

self-seeking

What self-seeking actions did I take?
What did I try to get?
How did I or am I thinking and acting on behalf of only myself, my ambition, my wants and desires?
How was or am I trying to fill that God-shaped hole?
How did I or am I not listening to the inner resource, intuitive thought, the God within myself?
What benefit do I get from my not taking responsibility for my own actions?

afraid

What was I or am I afraid of?
What fears does this bring up from my past, my childhood?

harm

What harm (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) to others can I see I caused ?
Did my actions and/or attitudes drain someone's energy, distract them from their purpose, damage them in any way, deprive them of something? (Four D's: drain, distract, damage, deprive, ...)
What harm (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) to myself can I see? Consider the same four D's for example?

Chapter 5: How It Works
( Fear Inventory)

How it Works
Step Four: Fear Inventory

1. Read from page 67 "Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed..." up to page 68 "at once we commence to outgrow fear." Highlight what resonates for you.

2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the third step decision.

List all your fears, "We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them." For example, I"'m afraid of heights," "I'm afraid of never having a relationship." Consider if the opposite might also be true, "I'm afraid of having a relationship."

3. Whittle them down to 4-7 core fears. You might ask yourself, "What is the fear under that fear?" in order to whittle down the list.

4. Now write on each one of those core fears using the following questions derived from the Big Book pages just read. These are six questions Fran gave Chandra M. for writing a fear inventory on the core level fears,

What is the name of the fear?
Why do I have it? What purpose might the fear serve in God's world?
How do I act out in self reliance and how has that self-reliance failed?
What roles do I assign myself and others when I have this fear?
How do I lack the courage of faith?
What do I think God would have me be?

Note: These same questions can be used for other emotions that stem directly from fear: e.g. jealousy, depression, self-hate, confusion, worry, anxiety, stress, comparison)

Chapter 5: How It Works
(Sex Inventory, and/or Money, Food...)

How it Works
Step Four: Sex Inventory (or a "conduct" inventory. The same process can be used for Money, Food,...)

1. Read from page 68 "Now about sex..." up to page 70 "would mean heartache." Highlight what resonates for you.

2. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the third step decision.
List your significant sexual relationships. "Significant" does not necessarily mean longterm. Some relationships impact more than others. If you have been with many many partners, you might group certain individuals, e.g. "men/women I met on line," "men/women who paid me for sex," "one (or two) night stands met in bars."
However, this is NOT a resentment inventory. That has been covered before. If when writing this inventory, more resentment is uncovered, go back and write out the four columns before trying to include those individuals in your sex inventory.

3. Answer the following questions about each significant individual or group,

where have I been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate?
whom have I hurt?

did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness?
where was I at fault?
what should I have done instead?
was the relationship selfish or not?

4. Pray to form the "right sex ideal." Ask God to mold the ideal. How do you want to be in your future, sober sex life? What are the right conditions for a sexual relationship or for sexual relationships that allow you to stay sober, clean, and sane, to feel God with you? Write the facets of your ideal down. This is not a description of your ideal partner but rather an ideal for who you believe God wants you to be and how God wants you to act.

Prayer for a Sex Ideal
God, please help me shape a sane and sound ideal for my future sex life.
Help me to subject each relation to the test of whether it is selfish or not.
Please mold my ideal and help me to live up to it
remembering my sex power is a gift from you and therefore good,
not to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed.

Help me to be willing to grow towards my ideal,
to make amends when I have caused harm,
to ask you in meditation about each specific matter,
trusting that the right answer will come
because I am willing to listen for and surrender to your will.

I believe that only you can judge my sex situation,
no one else - you are the final judge.
I do feel sorry for what I did:
(insert your own wrongs here for the purple text)

allowing a man to intimidate me,
using sex to control and manipulate,,
making him a false god,

and I do have the honest desire for you to take me to better things.
I pray not to cause more harm as you heal all my relationships with others.

The conduct inventory and ideal mark the close of Step 4.

Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 5, 6, and 7)

Into Action
Steps 5, 6, and 7

1. Read from page 72 from "Having made our personal inventory..." up to page 75, "honored by our confidence." Highlight what resonates.
2. Prepare to "explain to your partner (sponsor, therapist, priest...) what we are about to do and why we have to do it."

gap in time - schedule time to read the inventory to your sponsor

3. Read the inventory.
I will come out of Step 5 with a list of those people possibly harmed and the defects of character revealed.

4. After arriving home from reading your inventory, read from page 75, "We pocket our pride" to page 76 "we have then completed Step Seven" and do precisely what it says.

If something comes to mind that was omitted from the inventory, call my sponsor.
If I am willing to give all, the good and the bad, to God, I'm ready to say the Seventh Step Prayer written in the second paragraph. It is suggested I take it on my knees.

Saying the prayer marks the CLOSE of Steps Five through Seven.

Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 8 and 9)

Into Action
Steps 8 and 9
1. Read from page 76 from "Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead." up to page 84, "They will always materialize if we work for them." (the ninth step promises). Highlight what resonates and especially what is relevant to my own amends. The book "Making Amends" (click here) is highly recommended.

2. Page 76: "remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol." Page 79: "reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience." Page 82: The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring her way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a person is unthinking when they say that sobriety is enough." Am I willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol? to find a spiritual experience? to repair the damage caused by my self-centeredness?

3. Directions:

Find a set of 3 by 5 cards.
In prayer, review your resentment and sex inventories.
On the front of each card, write down the name of the person, institution, or group of people you harmed or may have caused harm to.
In prayer, review your defects of character. Do any additional names of people, institutions, or groups of people come up that may have been harmed? Make a card for each one.
On the front of each card, also write down any contact information you have.
On the back of the card, write down the specific harm you feel you caused or may have caused.
On the back of the card, write down if the thought comes that this amend is best done in-person, through a letter, by phone, or as a "living" amend.
Assign each card a number from 1 to 5. "Five" means "I am very willing to make this amend" and "1" means "I am not willing to make this amend."
Don't assign a number if you are unsure there is an amend.

3. Bring the cards to the next sponsor meeting in order to review each one.

Completing amends to the best of my ability marks the CLOSE of Step 9. More amends will always be revealed.

Chapter 6: Into Action
(Steps 10 and 11)

Into Action
Step 10

1.  Read from page 84 from "This thought brings us to Step Ten" to page 85, "It is the proper use of the will." Highlight what resonates.

2. What does it mean to me to "cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol?"

3. Meet with my sponsor to go over the tenth step process of "Watch, Ask, Discuss, Amend, Turn" in detail.

4. Practice Step 10 for at least one week before moving into Step 11. Start each day doing one round of "Watch, Ask, Discuss, Amend, Turn" after waking up, a "Morning Watch" as Anne Smith called it. Practice saying, "How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done" throughout each day.

5. Meet with my sponsor to talk about my experience with Step 10. What have you noticed?

Into Action
Step 11

1.  Read from page 85 from "Much has already been said" to the end of Chapter 6, Highlight what resonates. Circle each time the book uses the word "ask."

2. Meet with my sponsor to go over the eleventh step practices of "when we retire at night" and "upon awakening."

3. Practice Step 11. Continue to begin each day doing one round of "Watch, Ask, Discuss, Amend, Turn."  Then follow the directions in the book. Close each day following the directions for "When we retire at night..."

4. Meet with my sponsor to share my experience is with the 11th step spiritual disciplines.

Chapter 7: Working with Others
(Step 12)

Read from the beginning of the chapter up to page 103. Highlight what resonates.
Meet with my sponsor and read through the chapter, talking about the progression of principles suggested, from those involving finding an alcoholic to work with up to either then end or to "Burn the idea into the consciousness of every person that they can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." (page 98) is a good break point.

Notes:

On page 89, some beautiful promises are articulated! Enjoy and live them. Let them come true; acknowledge and "bear witness" when they do!
The reality of Alcoholics Anonymous today is very different than the one which Bill and Bob knew. Heads up: Many people coming in today have parents or a parent who are sober and clean or tried "the program." This means there can be prejudice and or pre-existing beliefs about AA itself. Maybe have sensitivity to that.
The difference in the recovery world or today will be very evident as you move through the chapter. One reason we go to meetings regularly today is because that is where alcoholics generally are guided to go by the courts, doctors, psychologists, the news, family and community members. We practice our twelfth step in the meetings, find sponsors and sponsees, learn to be part of life, and therein work through all shapes and sizes of challenges.
Since the worlds are so different, it is recommended to uncover the guiding, suggested principles of Chapter 7, Working with Others, which kicks off on the bottom of page 89. For example, notice how many times the book says the itsy bitsy word "if" (Maybe circle it). This suggests the "sponsor" be guided by their "sixth sense," "intuitive thought," "inner resource." It is that ability to respond (response-ability) that makes all the difference whether working with someone virtually, on the phone, or one on one.