Introduction: How do I start out with someone, use the Forewords, and sponsor in general?
Nothing here is written in stone!! The most important thing is one alcoholic, who is "properly armed with facts about herself, " talking with another, one on one.
First Meeting
When someone asks me to sponsor them, we arrange to meet in a neutral spot like a coffee shop.
In that conversation, we might share our stories a bit. I share just enough just to get them to talk about themselves. For people who have been around the rooms, I really want to hear what work they have or haven't done before in AA and their experience with that work.
If a person is a newly sober meth, cocaine, pill, and/or heroin addict, I usually find it's just much better for them to work with someone who shares that experience.
If we are a good match, I ask them 3 questions:
"God, please set aside everything I think I know about you, me, the twelve steps, and _______ so that I might have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth and keep me sober and clean today and all my days no matter what happens or how I feel. Thy will be done."
Second Meeting
We talk about their experience with saying the set aside prayer, and go over the promise on the cover page, draw and do a simple analysis of the circle and triangle. We do the same with the Table of Contents, and the Preface, stopping to chat about what stands out as we go.
For the next session I ask them to do two things
1. Read one of the stories in the back and highlight what resonates (This direction stems from the last paragraph of the second page of the Preface).
"We hope you will pause in reading one of the 42 personal stories and think,
"Yes, that happened to me." or
"Yes, I've felt like that," or
"Yes, I believe this program can work for me too."
2. List all the different substances used, addictions they have had, and circle those that they feel they are powerless over today.
Third and ... Meetings depending on how deeply you decide to go into the Forwards
After praying the set aside prayer, we talk as we go over reactions to their chosen personal story in the next session and start reading the Forewords. I ask them to finish the Forewords and highlight what resonates for them in any way.
The next time. we go over the Forewords, guided in prayer, certainly up to the point in the Foreword to the Second Edition, the third page, end of the second full paragraph, "a new light had entered the dark world of the alcoholic. I might then indicate that the balance of that Forward (the second) deals with the formation of the traditions, read the entire Foreword to the Third and Fourth Editions. That said, always remember to review what resonated for them when they read independently.
Next Meetings...
I ask people to read and focus on, usually in writing, to the questions in Step1 (and then Step 2, Step 3...) and this is when the rhythm of the question process below kicks in. We meet and read the book, pausing to talk about what resonated and what matters to the uncovering of their experience and truth. If they have written, they read their answers to the questions as those questions come up during the course of the reading.
We talk... because this is when everything comes alive. To me, at the heart of sponsorship is one alcoholic talking to another. That is what I love and what heals us into relationship with ourselves, one another, the fellowship, and God. Many sponsees don't like doing the writing but want to do it because they feel more ready to really engage. But if it is an obstacle, forget about it and just read, talk, and answer the questions from specific experiences. Avoid generalities.
To me, alcoholics are generally BRILLIANT and thoughtful, complex and interesting. We have suffered profoundly and it's very important to me to talk in Step 1 as we come into our own stories at deeper and deeper levels. That builds trust for Step 5.
Also, God (the God that AA has given me a relationship with) is at work in my sponsees' lives during these months. I almost always start out our talks by asking "How are things going?" or "What's going on?" In these conversations, the "hand of God" becomes evident. So much is revealed! God is at work healing us in the circumstances of our lives and our reactions to them. It is my experience that they always relate to the current Step in the Book.
Special thanks to: Note:
Nothing here is written in stone!! The most important thing is one alcoholic, who is "properly armed with facts about herself, " talking with another, one on one.
First Meeting
When someone asks me to sponsor them, we arrange to meet in a neutral spot like a coffee shop.
In that conversation, we might share our stories a bit. I share just enough just to get them to talk about themselves. For people who have been around the rooms, I really want to hear what work they have or haven't done before in AA and their experience with that work.
If a person is a newly sober meth, cocaine, pill, and/or heroin addict, I usually find it's just much better for them to work with someone who shares that experience.
If we are a good match, I ask them 3 questions:
- Do you have a drinking problem?
- Do you want to stop drinking for all and for good?
- Are you willing to go to any length to do so? You might ask some people to read through page 164 of the Big Book before starting the work to understand the specifics of what you mean. Note: Sometimes I'll ask a question given to me later in sobriety, "Where is my dishonesty in saying I'm wiling to go to any length?"
"God, please set aside everything I think I know about you, me, the twelve steps, and _______ so that I might have an open mind and heart for a new experience. Please show me the truth and keep me sober and clean today and all my days no matter what happens or how I feel. Thy will be done."
Second Meeting
We talk about their experience with saying the set aside prayer, and go over the promise on the cover page, draw and do a simple analysis of the circle and triangle. We do the same with the Table of Contents, and the Preface, stopping to chat about what stands out as we go.
For the next session I ask them to do two things
1. Read one of the stories in the back and highlight what resonates (This direction stems from the last paragraph of the second page of the Preface).
"We hope you will pause in reading one of the 42 personal stories and think,
"Yes, that happened to me." or
"Yes, I've felt like that," or
"Yes, I believe this program can work for me too."
2. List all the different substances used, addictions they have had, and circle those that they feel they are powerless over today.
Third and ... Meetings depending on how deeply you decide to go into the Forwards
After praying the set aside prayer, we talk as we go over reactions to their chosen personal story in the next session and start reading the Forewords. I ask them to finish the Forewords and highlight what resonates for them in any way.
The next time. we go over the Forewords, guided in prayer, certainly up to the point in the Foreword to the Second Edition, the third page, end of the second full paragraph, "a new light had entered the dark world of the alcoholic. I might then indicate that the balance of that Forward (the second) deals with the formation of the traditions, read the entire Foreword to the Third and Fourth Editions. That said, always remember to review what resonated for them when they read independently.
Next Meetings...
I ask people to read and focus on, usually in writing, to the questions in Step1 (and then Step 2, Step 3...) and this is when the rhythm of the question process below kicks in. We meet and read the book, pausing to talk about what resonated and what matters to the uncovering of their experience and truth. If they have written, they read their answers to the questions as those questions come up during the course of the reading.
We talk... because this is when everything comes alive. To me, at the heart of sponsorship is one alcoholic talking to another. That is what I love and what heals us into relationship with ourselves, one another, the fellowship, and God. Many sponsees don't like doing the writing but want to do it because they feel more ready to really engage. But if it is an obstacle, forget about it and just read, talk, and answer the questions from specific experiences. Avoid generalities.
To me, alcoholics are generally BRILLIANT and thoughtful, complex and interesting. We have suffered profoundly and it's very important to me to talk in Step 1 as we come into our own stories at deeper and deeper levels. That builds trust for Step 5.
Also, God (the God that AA has given me a relationship with) is at work in my sponsees' lives during these months. I almost always start out our talks by asking "How are things going?" or "What's going on?" In these conversations, the "hand of God" becomes evident. So much is revealed! God is at work healing us in the circumstances of our lives and our reactions to them. It is my experience that they always relate to the current Step in the Book.
Special thanks to: Note:
- My sponsors and step guides. Those whose full last names are written have passed on: Richard Culter, Jane Grey, Lisa T, Joe Hawk, Sandy Kenner, Freddy Ramos, Frank McGibbon, Tony Lowell, Paul H., Herb K., Alma Clarke, Vicky S., Sabrina S., Constance K. and a circle of wonderful people who know who they are! So grateful we love one another and never walk alone in a very real sense.
