Am I now entirely ready to have God take them all? Am I willing to let them go absolutely?
In my first few major inventories and from living sober, I had a longer and longer list of defects, e.g.
I pray for the willingness:
In my first few major inventories and from living sober, I had a longer and longer list of defects, e.g.
- approval-seeking, jealousy, selfishness, needing to be right, vanity, self-obsession, suspiciousness, manipulation, pride, sulking, retaliation, gluttony, dishonesty, indifference, pettiness, impatience, perfectionism, arrogance, resistance, bias, self-hate, inattention to community, entitlement, exercising white privilege, cruel criticism, intellectual laziness, stealing, infidelity, sexual immorality, interrupting, irrational fidelity to false beliefs and paradigms, dominating conversations, not listening, inconsideration.... the lists go on and on, ... numbing out with food, rigidity, being over-controlling what I eat, ...
I pray for the willingness:
- to listen with my heart and mind.
- to look at my relationship with you God as the primary source of my self-esteem.
- to feel true love and tolerance for myself and where I am on my path right now.
- to feel true love and tolerance for others and where they are on their path right now.
- to be centripetal à as opposed to centrifugal.
- to practice unconditional love of self and my brothers and sisters.
- to let go of judgement of self and others.
- to know in my heart that my sponsees are not a reflection of me, good or bad.
- to remember that I am powerless, without control.
- to remember that the more judgmental people are of others, the more they are cruel to themselves.
- to protect others through maintaining anonymity, to protect those who have no words.
- to make room on the Ark for all the animals – the peacocks, cows, sparrows, spiders, snakes, deer, lions, and salmon.
And my more recent willingness prayers from 2020:
- I pray for the willingness to release pride and gently embrace humility and anonymity.
- I pray for the willingness to release criticism and embrace fierce unconditional love for self and others.
- I pray for the willingness to release fear and embrace trusting reliance.
- I pray for the willingness to release doubt and embrace the truth of steadfast love and healing.
This photograph was taken as I was leaving the Sea of Galilee and heading back to Jerusalem. The small touring van had given us a couple of hours to meander and reflect within view of where the Sermon on the Mount was delivered, where Peter walked on water, and Legion's demons raged.