The Big Book suggests self-examination using three different inventories:
1. A Four-Column Inventory of Resentments (and/or anger-related emotions such as hurts, offenses, interferences, disappointments, betrayals, vengefulness...)
2. An Inventory of Fears (and/or fear-related emotions such as jealousy, confusion, depression, worry, anxiety, stress)
3. An Inventory of Sex Conduct (or any conduct: money, food, etc.)
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
(Big Book Step 4: Page 53)
"Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts.
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!"
(Psalm 139: 23-24)
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye,
but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'
when there is a log in your own?"
(Luke 7:3-4)
Resentment Inventory
LOVE what I heard Mike M. say yesterday, that writing inventory is more an exercise in prayer, in going deep down within, than in writing. I don't want to write from my head, but from that place only my Higher Power, God, can access. Mike affirmed the first directions my sponsor gave me, to write a prayer, before taking inventory:
"Write through me God your healing and liberating truth please,
Thy will be done.
Please keep me sober, clean, and abstinent no matter what happens or how I feel."
Column 1
Who am I resentful at?
He then asked me, "Who do you hate the most in the world?"
I answered by giving the names of 2 people.
He said, "Start there..."
At this point in my sober journey, I have sponsees create a time line of their life chunked in 7- year spans.
The time line is a tool to reflect back. What resentments did you have between 0 and 7 years of age? 7 and 14?
(Charlie from the No Nonsense group gave us great questions if you don’t think you’re mad at anyone:
My sponsor, just like it says in the book, then said to write a list, starting with those two people and go back through my life to find people, institutions, and principles that I am resentful at.
Column 2
Why am I resentful?
He said to write WHY I was resentful with three notes:
1. Don't censor anything.
2. Let it flow.
3. What you don't put down, you get to keep.
(If it gets too unruly, I vent on a different paper and then look at what is written. Usually a more succinct version of why I'm resentful will pop out.
(note: some people say to keep column 2 really short like in the book. I was someone who needed to vent, had never dared or had been given space to let my feelings out… AND it was important for my healing to tell my emotional truth no matter how illogical or false. I know there are different perspectives on this and some people that I respect very very much keep it BRIEF and require sponsees to do the same.)
LOVE what I heard Mike M. say yesterday, that writing inventory is more an exercise in prayer, in going deep down within, than in writing. I don't want to write from my head, but from that place only my Higher Power, God, can access. Mike affirmed the first directions my sponsor gave me, to write a prayer, before taking inventory:
"Write through me God your healing and liberating truth please,
Thy will be done.
Please keep me sober, clean, and abstinent no matter what happens or how I feel."
Column 1
Who am I resentful at?
He then asked me, "Who do you hate the most in the world?"
I answered by giving the names of 2 people.
He said, "Start there..."
At this point in my sober journey, I have sponsees create a time line of their life chunked in 7- year spans.
The time line is a tool to reflect back. What resentments did you have between 0 and 7 years of age? 7 and 14?
(Charlie from the No Nonsense group gave us great questions if you don’t think you’re mad at anyone:
- ”Who do you think needs to be taught a lesson?”
- ”Who do you never want to see again?”
- ”Who are you disappointed in, feel betrayed by?”
- ”Who are you harshly judging?”
- I might add:
- "Who am I avoiding (like the plague)?"
- "Who has hurt my feelings (or people I love)?"
- "Who has interfered with me and/or my plans?"
- "Who threatens or has threatened me?"
My sponsor, just like it says in the book, then said to write a list, starting with those two people and go back through my life to find people, institutions, and principles that I am resentful at.
Column 2
Why am I resentful?
He said to write WHY I was resentful with three notes:
1. Don't censor anything.
2. Let it flow.
3. What you don't put down, you get to keep.
(If it gets too unruly, I vent on a different paper and then look at what is written. Usually a more succinct version of why I'm resentful will pop out.
(note: some people say to keep column 2 really short like in the book. I was someone who needed to vent, had never dared or had been given space to let my feelings out… AND it was important for my healing to tell my emotional truth no matter how illogical or false. I know there are different perspectives on this and some people that I respect very very much keep it BRIEF and require sponsees to do the same.)
Column 3
How was I affected?
Next we are asked to look at if and how the wrong-doing of others affected me whether or not the wrong was real or imagined.
Below are three different ways to write the third column from simple (A) to more complex (C).
Option A
(just write one of the seven areas of self as in the example in the Big Book)
Did it affect my:
self-esteem?
ambition?
security?
pride?
personal relations?
sex relations?
pocketbook?
How was I affected?
Next we are asked to look at if and how the wrong-doing of others affected me whether or not the wrong was real or imagined.
Below are three different ways to write the third column from simple (A) to more complex (C).
Option A
(just write one of the seven areas of self as in the example in the Big Book)
Did it affect my:
self-esteem?
ambition?
security?
pride?
personal relations?
sex relations?
pocketbook?
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Option B
Did it affect these areas and how did it affect them? self esteem? Did it affect the way I felt about myself? How? ambition? Did it affect my ambition, what I wanted? How? security? Did it affect my security, what I needed? How? pride? Did it affect my pride, the way I want others to see me? How? personal relations? Did it affect my personal relationships with others? How? sex relations? Did it affect my sex life? How? pocketbook? Did it affect an investment I had made of money, time, emotional energy? How? |
Option C: "Theater of the Lie"
Imagine yourself as the director. How do the actors behave on your stage? This method has shown me how I take on the role of the Director, the Playwright, the Employer, how I play God by handing the world my script and assigning roles. self esteem? Who am I in this resentment? Who is the "self" that is affected? (Imagine yourself on the stage; what is your role?) Start with: I am... ambition? What does that "self" want? Start with: I want... security? What does that self need? Start with: I need... pride? How does that self want to be seen by the other actors? Start with: Others should see me as ... personal relations? sex relations (if sexual energy is present) Who should the others be in my theater, on my stage? What role are they playing? Start with: The person I resent is... pocketbook? How was that self's investment affected? (Investments might be time, money, skills, energy, love, care, etc) Start with: My investment is threatened because... |
The "Course" after Writing the Third Column and before writing each Fourth Column
- Prayer: God, I see that wrong doing of others has the power to actually kill me. How can I get free? I can't wish these resentments away any more than I can wish away drinking, using, and other addictions, Help me to realize this person is spiritually ill like me.
- Writing: Holy One, please show me the truth of how I may have done, or felt like doing, the same thing (or something similar) to someone. (Write that realization down.) Again, "Help me to realize (make it real, get real)."
- Prayer: God, please give me your Power to show the same tolerance, compassion and patience to them that I would have for a chronically ill friend. How can I be helpful? God, save me from being angry.
- Prayer: Creator, please give me Power to put their wrongs out of my mind, to disregard their wrongs entirely and see my own mistakes, where I'm to blame? Thy will be done." (derived from the Big Book pages 66 and 67).
Look lovingly at ourselves as if from heaven.
Column 4
Next write out mistakes. If using the "extended thoughts," choose those that resonate most.
self-centered/ selfish:
dishonest
self-seeking
afraid
harm
Next write out mistakes. If using the "extended thoughts," choose those that resonate most.
self-centered/ selfish:
- What self-centered thoughts and/or attitudes do I have?
- What am I holding on to, want to keep, or refuse to release?
- What larger picture do I fail or am I failing to see?
- What might God's perspective be?
- How am I failing to see someone else's point of view? their history? their humanness?
- How do I use my past to separate from others? (whether that past be painful, prosperous, shameful, traumatized, entitled, homeless...)
- How do I use this to separate from God's love and forgiveness?
dishonest
- What lies did I tell others or myself?
- Did I or do I create and respond to a false narrative?
- Did I lie by omission?
- Does this remind me or bring up something from the past (maybe this person isn't actually who I'm resentful at?)
- What old, learned false ideas do i believe? For example, "I believe that to ask for help is a sign of weakness." "I believe that to leave is to fail." "I believe I deserve the best (or the worst). "I believe it's my job to change the world." "I believe that people betray and hurt." “I believe I have to be nice.” “I believe God is punishing.”
self-seeking
- What self-seeking actions did I take?
- What did I try to get or am i trying to get?
- How did I or am I thinking and acting on behalf of only myself, my ambition, my wants and desires?
- How was or am I trying to fill that God-shaped hole?
- How did I or am I not listening to the inner resource, intuitive thought, the God within myself?
- What benefit do I get from my not taking responsibility for my own actions?
afraid
- What was I or am I afraid of?
- What fears does this bring up from my past, my childhood?
harm
- What harm can I see I caused to myself or others through this resentment?
- What purpose is this resentment serving?
- How is this resentment draining my energy?
- How is this resentment distracting me from God's purpose in my life?
- How does the energy of this resentment hurt my relationships with those I love?
- How did I put myself in a position to be hurt?
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Fear Inventory
List all your fears. Consider if you are also afraid of their opposites. Then whittle them down to 4-7 core fears and write on those using the following questions derived from the Big Book page 68. These same questions can be used for depression. As always when writing, pray for the healing and liberating truth to be revealed before putting pen to paper and remember what led to the third step decision. These are six questions Fran gave Chandra M. for writing a fear inventory on the core level fears,
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Sex Inventory
The directions for the sex inventory are very clear in the Big Book on pages 68-70. One of the most important components of the sex inventory that is often overlooked, is the ideal. The following prayer personal to me is derived from pages 69 and 70 in the Big Book. Adapt it as you are led to do. The same inventory questions can be used for money and food and almost any conduct that feels unGodly!!
The directions for the sex inventory are very clear in the Big Book on pages 68-70. One of the most important components of the sex inventory that is often overlooked, is the ideal. The following prayer personal to me is derived from pages 69 and 70 in the Big Book. Adapt it as you are led to do. The same inventory questions can be used for money and food and almost any conduct that feels unGodly!!
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Prayer for a Sex Ideal
God, please help me shape a sane and sound ideal for my future sex life. Help me to subject each relation to the test of whether it is selfish or not. Please mold my ideal and help me to live up to it remembering my sex power is a gift from you and therefore good, not to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed. Help me to be willing to grow towards my ideal, to make amends when I have caused harm, to ask you in meditation about each specific matter, trusting that the right answer will come because I am willing to listen for and surrender to your will. I believe that only you can judge my sex situation, no one else - you are the final judge. I do feel sorry for what I did: (insert your own wrongs here for the purple text) allowing a man to intimidate me, using sex to control and manipulate,, making him a false god, and I do have the honest desire for you to take me to better things. I pray not to cause more harm as you heal all my relationships with others. |
I am enriched by this image because it somehow captures the God energy of "one flesh," of trust, unity, transcendence in sex when in the Presence of Divine Love. What are the conditions that make this tender, healing, dynamic experience an on-going possibility within an intimate relationship? Maybe that is what needs to be clarified in my sex ideal?
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