Step 11
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the Power to carry that out.

"In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take.
Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision.
We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.
We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind.
Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times....
Nevertheless we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration.
​We come to rely upon it."
(Big Book pages 86-87)

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
And I will ask the Father , and he will give you another Helper,
to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive,
because it neither sees him nor knows him.
You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you."
(John 14:15-17)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."
(Big Book page 57)

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days declares the LORD;
I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts.
And I will be their God, and they will be my people.
And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother saying,
"know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD.
For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."
(Jeremiah 31:32)

My understanding is that God does not want us rule-bound
but free, liberated from religious and inter-personal oppression,
"to worship in spirit and truth."
I hear this message loud and clear from the Big Book and the Bible.  
God wants us to love God and love neighbor as ourselves.
NOT easy. NOT easy. But this is the heart of it. 

Follow simple directions 
as outlined in the Big Book on pages 86-88.
Practice a nightly review and  morning meditation
Seek books that resonate with your Spirit!
Scripture is one way God speaks. 
To read is to listen.

Reading the Big Book
guides me in working the steps to  a "spiritual awakening," 
in the use and practice of a set of effective spiritual tools
gives me explicit simple directions for staying close to God one day, one moment at a time
keeps me away from rigidity, legalism, know-it-all-ism, and spiritual pride
keeps me grounded in spiritual principles
grows me to be a more effective sponsor
keeps me inspired with new insights and understandings;
gives me an on-going experiences of God's order and purpose for me within that order.

Reading the Bible
keeps me closer to the truth of the Great Reality, the reality of the "veil," the Risen Christ, the reality of disinformation and lies;
affirms right and wrong,
affirms quantum physics and biophysics,
sustains my belief in God's victory over death, the LOVE that never fails, the truth of God within and around me;
keeps me inspired with new insights and understandings,
gives me awe, the experience the world as a cathedral,
keeps me humble, awake to my foibles, my capacity for doing wrong and being oblivious to evil;
gives me on-going experiences of God's order, my connectedness to "a great cloud of witnesses" throughout his- or her- story, and to feel useful within that order

"God, please set aside for me everything I think I know about you, me, the steps, spirituality, life
so that I might have an open mind and heart for a new experience with you, me, the steps, spirituality, and life. ​Thy will be done."

I didn't know what I didn't know,
can't get past my own ego,
still can't know what I don't know.

Until I was 29 years old, 38 years ago, I never thought or experienced that God loved me or guided me, cared for me, spoke to me.
But I came to believe that through my own experience. 
​
The following are some of the ways I use words to capture the reality of the "presence, the "voice," the "guidance," the "love" of God in my life when I am speaking to others:  
"I knew it was true that..."
"the thought came to..."  
"the power was there to..."
"I knew it was right to..."
"I felt it was wrong to...."
"I came to me that..."
"God spoke to me through ..."
​"I felt God's presence (affirmation, confirmation, love,) when...."

For example:
I knew it was true that I have the "phenomenon of craving" for alcohol  when I heard the Doctor's Opinion.
The Power was there to follow my sponsor Richard's direction.
I felt it was a mistake to speak up.
The thought came to help when her rent money was stolen. 
I felt God was speaking to me when he shared about how Steps 6 and 7 allowed forgiveness into his soul.
The thought came, "Who is this man" when Freddy said, "I know what you mean." Authentic, valid trust began at that moment. We got married 6 months later and stayed together until death did us part.
I felt it was right to stay home this morning; it turned out to be the right decision because her call came in. 
The thought came to move; it turned out to be so right.
I felt God's Presence as I put up the flyers and connected vibrantly with a new neighbor.
The power was there to trust the neurosurgeon for my daughter.
I felt God comforting me as the light breeze hit my face.
The thought came to start an AA meeting.
God spoke through Tony when he suggested I name my older daughter after my mother.
I prayed and the power was there to make the amends.
I felt God was saying "I love you" as the sun warmed my back walking down Sunset after a bitter disappointment.
I knew it was wrong to have another cup of coffee but did it anyway.

None of these "life moments" have answers within scripture.
​Scripture just doesn't say, "Tell Freddy you would like to marry him." "Go for a walk at 3." "Wash the dishes in the morning." "Write Carlotta an email." "Don't have any more coffee."

This image came into my life when Freddy was sick from cancer. The woman is me, the indigenous person I wanted to be and ultimately, may truly be, releasing him to God when he died, trusting in his courageous move to the other side of the veil. ​​

Why do I love this image?  

So much of prayer
meditation
is release of
emotions, thoughts, 
people,
places,
plans, stuff,
beliefs, paradigms,
brainstorms, 
false peace,
ideas of God...
giving them over
in their time,
in God's time,
with the spirit
of the indigenous woman
release the dove;
release and replace
with God's ideas,
divine energy,
connection to source,
to people,
places,
things,
beliefs
voices, vibrations
right for me,
that nourish, 
keep giving,
make me rich
and a valuable resource
to others
seeking, living
in the light, the truth,
the way. 
Goodbye and hello
utterly willing to let go,
to set us free.
Let God's will be done.

God, the "Great Iconoclast"
- C.S. Lewis,
an excerpt from "A Grief Observed" 

"My idea of God is not a divine idea.
It has to be shattered time after time.
He shatters it Himself.
God is the great iconoclast.
Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence?
The Incarnation is the supreme example.
It leaves all previous ideas of the Messiah in ruins.
And most are "offended" by the iconoclasm;
​and blessed are those who are not.
But the the same thing happens in our private prayers."
​All reality is iconoclastic."  

Iconoclast:
​1.  a person who destroys religious images or opposes their veneration 
2: a person who attacks settled beliefs or institutions 

Origin and Etymology : 
from Middle Greek eikonoklastēs, literally, image destroyer,
from Greek eikono- image + klan - to break 

Step 12: Awakening